At what point does a friend become a liability?
This weekend, I have lost a great friend. No he didnt pass away. Just that my friendship with him has come to an abrupt end, after 5 years of sharing, consoling each other, making decisions together, screaming at each other and making up later. He was/is one of the best friends I have ever had in my entire life. And a testimony to the fact that men and women can be friends with out the sex thing coming up. We went out together, got drunk and talked shitty to each other and to other guys. But sex never came up ever. When he met his wife, I was with him and when he married her, I was there sad that the era of measuring up chicks for him was over.
So you can imagine my dismay 1st to discover that he has been shagging someone else. And then for that same small thing to come to me and tell me that my friend thinks I have a crush on him. WHAAAT? why? when? how? This raises 2 issues in my mind:
- Could She be lying?
- Does he really think that?
If she is lying and I ask my friend (lets call him R) then that will definately bring problems between them. The thing is I dont really care if it brings problems between them, after all its not as if I like the girl or the fact that R is cheating on his wife, who happens to be a very good friend of mine. At the same time, I dont want to look petty, fighting with an "under 18"
If he really said that, what the fuck was he thinking, what could have given him that crazy idea? why did he feel he had to justify my friendship with him? I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU. Please dont crush my belief in the fact that men and women can be friends.
So far, I have not asked him, I have not talked to him either. Iam just filled with a huge feeling of loss,sadness and absolute betrayal. How could he cheat on a woman I love and respect, how can a man I respect shag someone else? And someone who does not measure up to the wife?
Halafu nina swali: Why do men always (well almost always) cheat with a girl who is a couple of notches below the wife/girlfriend. house girl, secretary etc. Dont get me wrong its not ati they are not women, but.........and dont tell me its love couz its not. How brief can love be couz after a tew months they move on to the next house girl.
Anyway back to my friend, Iam currently ignoring his mails, text and calls. obviously I cant do that for ever, at some point he will ask whats up. I need some advise couz on the one hand I dont want to loose him but I also dont want drama in my life. Anyone out there willing to help me?
10 comments:
I think giving your friend the cold shoulder is the good thing to do at this moment.did you do anything that could have given your friend the wrong idea?Were you too close or clingy or something?Or maybe he is just coming to conclusions.I think if you do get to talking do make it plain that you dont have a crush on him.
As for dogging some men choose anything they can sleep with if the matter is just sex but many others choose someone who is prettier,slimmer and nicer then the wife ie take a look at all the mistresses that middle aged men have.
At what point does a friend of the male species become a liability to you?
When he gets hitched. 'Ideally' you should have instinctively distanced yourself emotionally from him as soon as he was more than just plutonically interested in another woman. Three is always a crowd and you should leave him to his dome's. When these are resolved (if at all) and you still feel you need to reconnect with him you will sense when the time is right to revive the friendship. Its hard - but for your own self worth steer clear of unhealthy 'myondoko' in you life no matter what he might claim.
At this point, your best action is inaction on Both counts...
1. when it comes to couples, "anything you say can and will be used against you" .. this is something they'll need to resolve between them. Say Nothing.
2. if he thinks you have a crush on him, and you keep your distance .. he will be forced to come looking for you if he values your friendship, proving his 'hypothesis' wrong.
.....help you.....help me.
Thanks Aco,Mia and anon.
@ Oberon: Ati?
that's a position I wouldn't want to find myself in...I hate having to confront people. I think you should look for a new best friend? I think.
agreed. Situation will resolve itself somehow. currently hiding my face under the sand.
keep off the grass say nothing hear nothing or pretend to because things are bound to get very ugly someday where philanderers are concerned.
Sex is so overrated. esp if its free like the one with the hubby or wify that will costs you nothing but your soul.
Much rather get drunk on warm beer and enjoy the unbridled idle conversation that goes with it.
As for your last question: why do men cheat with these "lowlies"!!!
Isn't it obvious? they worship and still admire them for who (they both think) he is. Even men have a cinderella syndrome.
I am tempted to comment on your relship with R. But i would rather wait till you get off your high horse with this "friends only" thing. As i said b4 Sex is so overrated and you probably already enjoy the best of what R has to offer. You are over 18, you should know that.
@ ANON,I hope you come back and comment on the relationship with R couz we really are/were just friends. Not that I need to defend myself to you.
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