Football season Opener rants

I seriously still have nothing profound to sema, but I cant wait for tommorow, am impatient, am excited. After kadhaa weeks bila football FINALLY there will be some action kesho. Man, sahau those things of I dont know liverpool V that Israeli team (where on earth do they get the morale to even think about soccer when half the country have been recalled as reservist!!!!!) This is the real deal, Liverpool V Chelsea. This is the test especially for chelsea who had to take an overdraft from Roman Arkadievich (yes that is his name- sounds like Akaranga)Abramovich to buy Ballack and Schevchenko. Then they kosead the mwafrika-Gallas by giving his NO to ballack, and now the poor dude be on Strike.

For a neutral like me, (NO am not a gooner-otherwise I would be crying about the fact that cole do wonna play for us), this will be a game I will just sit back and enjoy and watch Murhinos egg head (he did shave bold!!!!!!!) No heart attack inducing moments because really I don't have any stake in this. BUT I would much prefer that liverpool won. NO DRAWS please. dont you just hate the smugness in chelsea..........

And now what have they done to poor Victoria Beckham? She gave everything for her husband to play for his country to the extent of even banning the man from playing with Brooklyn lest he hurts himself. I mean she even used her own money to fly back to England during the world cup for an emergency hair do. And the minute her back is turned they chuck his ass from the England team, which apparently would cost them £50m.

Since am a united damu, I will not talk about Ronaldo being pelted with chewing gum. But I will celebrate the fact that we finally managed to get Rid of the Ruud boy.

Enjoy your weekend,the game and we shall be meeting every weekend for some great times ahead.

Hilarious

I really do not have much to say, so thought would pass this forward along. And it would also give me an excuse to ask: What happened to that blog that used to have pictures of food? It was very very nice and now I miss it. If you are out there please please bring back the pictures.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
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OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

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SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.