HalfKenyaHalfSudan

Good bye blogger

2007-07-26T09:33:00.000+03:00

After many months of good service and love, I, like many loving couples out there, have decided that I no longer need you blogger. I am moving on to greener pastures. We don't want the same things anymore and I have met someone who makes me happier! I would just like to assure you that its not you its me! You deserve someone better and I hope they find you.

Good bye and if you ever need anything please get in touch with me here!

Hebu adjust your links Y'all

Tagged again?

2007-07-23T11:59:00.000+03:00

Ati I was been tagged again (twice!) doesn't anyone respect bloggers block anymore? Who is responsible for this tagging business? WHO? OFF WITH THEIR HEAD!

Seeing as I have done this before, I have nothing more to add. So let me steal the format from Klara (yeah kwani there is someone who doesn't know how lazy I am?)

1. Where is your cell phone...switched off
2 Relationship... Cheating
3 Your hair....Dreadlocks
4 Work... Sax
5 Your sisters....Love them (xcept one)

6 Your favorite things.... Football, sex, beer, novels
7 Your dream last night...A bit disturbing
8 Your favorite drink....Water
9 Your dream car....Any convertible
10 The room you're in....UGLY

11 Your shoes... Flat/snickers
12 Your fears....dying alone
13 What do you want to be in 10 years.....still pissed at the world
14 Who did you hang out with this weekend.....Cheating husband (see 2 above)
15 What are you not good at..... Being pitied

16 Muffins? Rarely
17 Wish-list item..Seychelles
18 Where you grew up...School

19 The last thing you did...plagiarised this format!
20 What are you wearing...Jeans

21 What are you not wearing... Aiiii
22 Your favorite pet...NONE

23 Your computer...needs to be flushed in the toilet!
24 Your life...could do with some colour
25 Your mood...wishy washy

26 Missing...Family
27 What are you thinking about....the weekend (see 2 above)
28 Your dream location.....Seychelles
29 Your Ex.....Had better be miserable and/or dead!
30 Your Favorite Item... Ipod

31 Your favorite color....Blue
32 Last time you laughed... This morning
33 Last time you cried...2006
34 School....Should be banned
35 Love ..Forbidden is the best! (see 2 above)

Haki do I want to do this to anyone?

Haya Kirima si I jua how much you hate this tagging business! And just to prove that you aint dead!

EGM just to reiterate my love for you!
That joke blog!

Enjoy your week Y'all

Patting myself on the back!

2007-07-19T11:17:00.001+03:00

Hey Y'all...........
I know, I know. But life is hard when you are living in the bush.
But me like many others before me have lost blog Mojo! so I am writing this to inform everyone that I have lost blog mojo ( seeeee!)

Anyways, to all my cheering fans, I would like to update you and tell you that I have still not visited Koinange street! Meaning am still smoke free! (jig). Six weeks and counting ( sticking tongue out at all Doubting Thomases)

As for that idiot! (yeah that one- previous post) you will all be very proud to know that I have not yielded to tempation. He is still in the past!

And since this post is titled Patting my self, let me do the final pat by saying am still on the Bilaz train! (yes it is a good thing)

Ok enjoy yourselves....
BTW what happened to Sis bigbones? Any ideas?

Its just you and your hand tonight (for life)

2007-06-23T10:53:00.000+03:00

Kill me D.E.A.D

Si every one knows am a lazy ass who can't write more than one post a week, but here Iam doing my third of the week! There is a reason people, am not one to break tradition for nothing!

Anyway remember this?
For those who can't be bothered to click, the gist of the story is boy meets girl, boy loves girl, girl loves boy. Boy meets another girl, boy marries other girl! Yada yada yada, heartbreaks galore....Then Karma pays a visit. Seriously click and read its much easier.

Half is to wake up this morning to find an email in my inbox: I will copy part of it:

I know you have heard that (blip name) and I broke up. It does seem like am writing to you because am alone now. But you know me better than that. Even before we broke up with (blip) I had started questioning my decision to break up with you....................
On and on it went in the same vein!

Oh thank you sooo very much, here I was sitting under the mugumo tree for years just waiting for this. As you know my life came to a stand still ever since you left, I have spent the last few years visiting witchdoctors in ukambani and Bakari in coast all in the hopes that you will come back to me!

What is wrong with your ass? Ati I know you better than what? *sticking out tongue* Kubaff! you think you are who? Coming here to disrupt my life! Kwani am I your mother you come crying to me after you have been taught a lesson by life? I need one very (and I mean really really) good reason why I should even read your email! Why I did not block you years ago I dont know, but I guess I thought I would never hear from you again!

Does this man have a disorder or somethin? What on God's earth could have prompted him to think that I will consider what he is saying? Enyewe dudes hebu help me out here? and NO I have never given him any hint that I may take him back!

Aki wacha tu I fika kenya, am calling my dead grandmother, this HINDIOT must disappear! As Pink says: Its just you and your hand tonight!

To more pleasant update:

BAT- minus 2 ( ti hi hi hi)

H 'n'H- 3

Cheering Squad - 3

D1- 4

2007-06-20T11:27:00.000+03:00

One of my favourite programs on radio is a BBC program called culture shock! basically reporters go around the world looking for strange trends. So jana ama was it Juzi they had this trend from Antwerp of A hug for a truffle! how it works is that if you see a lonely looking person you give them a chocolate truffle in exchange for a hug! (reverse psychology or something). Anyway for a brief moment I felt all warm and fuzzy thinking of all those hurried looking people in Nairobi who could really use a hug. But then I imagined all the handbags that would go flying on dudes heads! What with all the muggings that takes place in Nairobi! Oh guess not.

Sometimes we get really really bored and have this stupid arguments and questions, so here are some of them: Will reveal my answers in my next post!

Rank in order of liking: Alcohol, sex, football.(or your favourite sport)
For the dudes, your mum or your wife/gfriend?
For the dudettes, your dad or your husband/boyfriend?
What is the most stupid thing you have done for love (lust)
What lie have you ever told to get a shag?

Smoking update:
Still not smoking! But on Saturday, one of our colleague who had been away came back from home. Obviously he had lots of alcohol and he is also a smoker. Anyway at some point I fungiad him jicho so that he could give me a puff....... slipper guy was not looking. But when he handed me the cigarette, I loooooked at it, and just gave it back to him!
Iam I proud of myself or what?

Haya mujienjoi

Former chimney : Week 2!

2007-06-16T10:18:00.000+03:00

Guest blogger! you evil troll!

Actually it is comments like yours that make me more determined! See am one of those annoying people whom you NEVER EVER dare! One day after I stopped some guy said "bet you wont last a week!" Ha who's laughing now!

I have got alot of support and encouragement from alot of bloggers (or as modo calls them- cheering squad) and from D1. That guys is precious! Thank you guys!

ok, am suffering from bloggers block and besides am too busy being pure like a golf course! Hilarious!...............kama hujasoma hebu head over there! It is the only place where am still, and I quote: "so teenage looking, so pubescent…so unchartered…so undiscovered…pure like a golf-course. " priceless!

I have nothing to say except:

BAT - minus 1 ( bei imepanda! they loose twice!)

H n H - 2

Cheering squad - 2

D1 - 3 (well he is not kissing an ash tray anymore!)

Enjoy your weekend Yall

PS: JKE is also on the no smokers band wagon! How is going with you?

Week one: Diary of a former chimney!

2007-06-09T11:01:00.000+03:00

Never, ever smoke: your mother was right after all!

Sunday:
smoked the last cigarette! was pretty drunk so really didn't feel anything.... This is too easy. What is the Fuss all about? Finally go to bed at about midnight

Monday 6.30 am
Rise and shine, weekend over. Time to start the week. Due to the over indulgence of the weekend, I did not have time to prepare for the week. So I have to wake up like really really early. I have a funny feeling in my throat! something is missing. Oh well, maybe its just a hangover.

8.00 am: Give away ALL my remaining stock.....
coffee finished...any smoker will tell you that these are the best to smoke:

after coffee
after food
in the morning
with a beer!
after sex! he he he he

I need a stick like now! but I have to prove to the world that am tough. So curb the urge.

IM my sister and tell her I have stopped smoking: I think she is still in hospital recovering from the shock!

1.00 pm: Lunch! food has no taste, water no taste, I need a sweet!

Day one over! I always said that if I finish day one, then I will be fine: (woooi someone should have warned me!)

Tuesday:
Nothing happening, just fighting the cravings. Food is horrible, I just want something sweet.

Wednesday:
Day starts okay. Me full of determination. Work sax, yada yada yada.

6.00 pm
Visitors in the compound.... 2 crates of beer!

Dear Lord,
Please strike all this people dead
NOW!

should I have a beer or not? Ok maybe one.......two.....three......

9.00 Pm
I will never for as long as I live forget being chased around with a slipper because I was about to break down and smoke! LOOOL

Friday:
Actually feeling good! my room has no cigarette smoke smell, my clothes smell ok. Food is beginning to taste better! this no smoking thing has benefits
More drinks, more craving. Luckily this time no slipper!

12.00 midnite
I once read this thing, ati kissing a smoker is like kissing an ash tray. So I ask the delectable one (D1? yeah he is still around, so I keep getting on and off the BT) if there is a difference between kissing a smoker and a non smoker? attention all smokers: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!

Reflection:
I have a new admiration for people who break addictions. I have never had to do anything so hard in my entire life.
So the weekend is here, lets see how many slippers are used this weekend!

Scores:

BAT: nil

Half n Half: 1

Phew!

2007-06-05T09:45:00.000+03:00

Actually couldn't think of a title for this post!

Anyway, Ahsanteni all those who publicly and secretly wished me a happy day! I did indeed have a wonderful birthday weekend! the best I have had in a while! aaaaaaaand, (mitoto yote ifunge macho) I did briefly get off the bilaz train! lakini am back in it! (aiiiiii, it was a one weekend stand Y'all).......Yes it was that delectable one!

On to more pleasant news! couple of things happening in my life currently:

Am finally leaving this country! don't know where I will land but you can be sure I will update you!
After many many many years, I have finally taken the plunge and stopped smoking! (CLAPS, CHEERS, MAYOE, SHANGWE NA VIGELEGELE!) But that is a battle that I haven't won yet, but am sooo determined to win!
Related to one above, am seriously thinking of going back to school! all my friends are doing it and I also wanna look *smart* no seriously! I think I may!
Someone FINALLY saw it fit to name their child after me! LOOL! poor soul!

Ok have a good week one and all!

Pati Tai!

2007-06-01T10:57:00.000+03:00

Today I turn 21 for the 12th time! ha ha ha am as old as Kenya Y'all

I plan on getting too drunk to remember my name! so enjoy madaraka day!

Will blog on Monday to tell you whether the delectable man appeared again!

Beautiful weekend! but still on strokes! (sorry strike)

2007-05-28T18:04:00.000+03:00

I thought I would never again post here, but Hey! life happens........still waiting to join the web ring!

Any who's.......I had the best weekend in the longest time. Initially I was at a loss about what to do with myself! See my life is very dependant on two things:
the radio and the Internet! The radio only because I can listen to football! but as everyone knows its the beginning of a long and boring soccerless life. I feel nothing for rugby or round us aka baseball.

So there I was twiddling my thumbs, and having a boring ass discussion about the May blue moon. And then (*drum rolls* ) the creature from out of this world (previously unknown to all of you) makes an appearance with the most beautiful phrase in South Sudan:

would you like to go for a drink? (dude a beer is 250 kshs!)

The man is too beautiful despite the fact the he got me totally and absolutely plastered! The entire weekend....

You know how you meet a man/woman and you could sell you mathe and her chicken and cat to hit it? When you get all hot and bothered just looking at his legs? For the first time EVER the heat/sun was my friend couz people have to wear shorts! This is that man! walahi I coulda sold Y'all had you been there! Heck I probably sold my grandmathe. This is how beautiful this man is: I could have stopped supporting Man U just for one night with this walking, talking temptation!

So did I hit it? (clearing throat)

Don't panic fellow passengers I have a mega rider for the bilaz train! Damn marriage vows!
I didn't even know that people still take those seriously! I mean!

Departure point:
Is it wrong to black out when kamataing strokes? (totally unrelated to my weekend)

Have a great week Y'all and hope next time I post I will be in my new home!

SHUD UFF!

2007-05-21T09:46:00.000+03:00

Am sure everyone knows why am crying!

pepo Mbaya, paka mweusi! Apparently while we were sleeping, Drogba went and became a world class player!
Mwangi, Kirima, Mocha, Pekiro and all manu fans? Mupo!
Archer, farmgirl: SHUD UFF!

Blink if you can read this

2007-05-16T18:21:00.000+03:00

click here!

Seriously am trying my Word press! so I needs feed back

Monday Randomness

2007-05-14T18:34:00.000+03:00

We are the champs (officially) so I really can't complain this Monday. And I had a great great weekend. Since I officially blog on Mondays and the tagging business is over here are some random things that have amazed me recently:

1. Apparently there has been a discussion recently in the blog sphere about how bloggers should be compelled to reveal their identities so that people are more responsible for what they write...first off, I think I missed this discussion, and secondly Would you reveal your identity? if bloggers wanted to do that wouldn't they become journalists? And would your posts be the same if everyone knew who you were?

2. Ati, the population of bees is decreasing in the US, one bee keeper being interviewed said how they noticed that the bees' condition was changing....How on earth did they decide that? were the bees thinner perhaps, ama the wings were not fluttering as much? how? And the reason? Mobile phones! go figure

3. The in thing this days in new Mexico is restaurants for dogs! Sheeeeeesh.

4. EPL is over, FA and all other leagues will be over soon, Champions league was over when man u was chucked!(shidwe, pepo mbaya, paka mweusi Milan) ! cricket world cup over! what on earth will people be doing? why cant the ICC, FIFA and that rugby thing (no clue whatsoever) co-ordinate so that the events are spread out?

Obviously Iam dissolving into nothingness so Off I go!

Princess, umemaliza The innocent man? don't want to spoil it for you? (actually am waiting for your review!)

Tagged?!

2007-05-11T17:21:00.000+03:00

AGAIN?
Is this like a yearly event or something? Did I not over share last year? anyways. Thanks to Mwari and apparently inexes here goes:

1. I can never go out with someone I consider dumb! ever! sometime back I met this real eye candy, and things were progressing soo well, then he goes and asks if my hair grows dreadlocked! Needless to say, Have no idea where he is now!

2. I feel nothing for clothes, shoes or any latest fashions. I will often be in jeans and T shirt

3. If I perceive someone to be a snob, I will cut you off, I also cannot stand discrimination and bias of any type. (Age and size is the worst sort of discrimination because it is often soo subtle!)

4. I get bored very very easily! I have a very short attention span! I can tolerate a man whose strokes are average, or who is kinda poor, but never a man without a sense of humour!

5. Most women who have met me don't like me! Mostly couz I get along better with men. I grew up a tom boy and prefer to do things that are considered "manly" I ride motorbikes, drive tractors, climb trees (well not any more), can fix tyres, can do basic mechanics on my car, can have a one night stand! (eeh too much information)

6. I have a sister I don't get along with and we hardly ever talk.

7. This was really hard to do, especially couz I didnt want to repeat what I had said last year.

Bonus: though I majored in arts, am a genius with gadgets! (Hmmmm, just saying)

As a sign of my everlasting love for you guys, I have tagged you!

Bants
Jamvi
GND
Makanga
K.I.P.U.S.A
Can you tag Aggregator?

Blogspot Vs Wordpress

2007-05-08T18:19:00.000+03:00

Alright, I have decided to give myself (actually its more for my dear customers!) a blogversary present by sprucing up my blog....... but I really can't decide on whether to stick with what I have and revamp it ama I move to word press.

I like word press couz you can like respond to a comment directly..........but that's about all I know. So wenyeji, can you please tell me the pros and cons of each!
BTW one of the spelling suggestions for wenyeji is wanker! No offense!

Currently reading: Innocent Man - John Grisham (will definitely post a review)
Listening to: What hurts the most- Rascal Flatts

One year on!

2007-05-04T10:23:00.000+03:00

Unbelievable! Its been one year since I joined KBW! Time does fly. I cant quiet remember how I discovered KBW, but I think I was googling something about Kenya and came across something mental had done.

Anyway sometimes when we are having those mind numbing meetings, I just sit there trolling the Internet. (You don't seriously think anyone pays attention at meetings!). Anyway one time I was reading my previous posts, and that first post was godawful! It was beyond boring! But it had my favorite picture...(if you look closely you will see the tusker in some swamp in Sudan!)

The most amazing thing is that, I have never stuck this long with a hobby, I have a very very short attention span and get easily bored, so staying at KBW for a whole year is totally news worthy. And in the process I learnt a few things about myself:

I hate being ignored! I want people to read my posts and say something nice like "great post"!
Iam not a very good writer (mostly couz I put all the interesting stuff in brackets !!LOL) but I love reading about peoples lives
My life is really quiet boring
My boss sax- didn't get that from blogging but he sucks!

I am wishing myself many more years and thanking all who have faithfully visited me and those allowed me to live vicariously through them!

Final thought: This must have been done by a woman who was not getting some!

Listening: You deserve better than me- Hinder

Weekend of over achievers and monday is here!

2007-04-30T13:37:00.000+03:00

Does it look like I only post on Monday? Well I better start liking the day then!

Anyway, I am glad to report that I had a very good weekend. It rained which means the temperatures are at a managable level. And just to make the weekend even better, MAN U WON, CHELSEA DREW! he he he he....Swiftly moving on.

Don't you just Hate overachievers?
They make everyone else look sooo inadequate. Think about planet Australia for example, on Saturday they won the cricket world cup for the third time in a row! That sax! When they white washed England in the Ashes, I was happy (well mostly coz I never support England in any sport) But to win the world cup three times in a row? That's just plain rude!
That is the reason I stopped supporting Roger Federer until the day he was beaten! Now I can support him again. Because now he seems human.

I just don't understand the need to be that perfect. Is it an inferiority complex, or a need to prove something to the world? Is it enough to be the best and leave it at that, or do we need to prove over and over again that we are the best? Is it so wrong to be average?

People like Federer, Schumacher, Planet Australia, Sergey Bubka, are they that exceptional or is everyone else just not that good?

Spent the weekend watching House: You gotta love that guy. He is rude, abusive, arrogant but alas a genius.

Final thought: I heard a story about some archaeologist who has discovered that our great great great grandfathers were just as frisky as we are now. Threesomes, group sex, bestiality! Ooooh am trolling the Internet for that report.......Finally we have an answer to those shoshos who shake their heads and say "watoto wa siku hizi wame haribika." Its inherited!

Listening to: Over my head- The fray
Reading: (Just finished) Alone - Lisa Gardner (check Bookworms for my request!)

NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN

2007-04-26T17:26:00.000+03:00

Ok I must confess I didn't write this (heck am not 50 yet!) but I wish I had!

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

19. Your friends love you anyway.

I hate mondays all over again!

2007-04-23T12:31:00.000+03:00

You know how you wake up one morning and just feel like shit? Well, that is how I feel this morning.......Nothing major has happened (well except for the man U draw) but I feel like I hate every single person I meet this morning. And no its not PMS! (shidwe) Then I remember this quote that I read somewhere:

"All things come to those who wait, provided he knows what he is waiting for"

Then it hit me: Iam sooo fed up with Sudan, my job, my boss and my colleagues, am just waiting here for something to happen. Unfortunately I don't know what that is. I have reached a point where I really don't care what happens as long as something does. I do realise that I may have to make something happen, but I don't want to. I don't have the energy it will take to get off my ass at this particular moment. And I strongly suspect I will wake up kesho feeling slightly better. Well will wait and see.

Meanwhile I made this list just to cheer myself up:
You know that program "wife swap"? Well here are some people who should swap

Justin Timber(lake) and Lenny Kravitz (JT thinks he is black and Kravitz has multiple tattoos and piercings)
Beyonce and JLO (B thinks she is white and JLO has a black ass)
Kamotho and Tuju (need I say more)
Eve d Souza and Shanice (Eve knows black music better than most blacks while shanice should just go)
Rick Dees and Walt baby Love
Oprah and Ellen (In what must be the only joke 50 cent has ever made, he called Oprah an Oreo- black on the outside, white on the inside, LOOL. While Ellen does have black fun)

Please cheer me up and add some more Swaps!

Ok am off to wallow in my misery!
Enjoy your week Y'all

Currently reading: Jackie Collins: Hollywood Kids (I know)
Listening to: Blue October-Hate me

The Bush, the Love and the corruption

2007-04-18T17:11:00.000+03:00

First of let me declare that I love Sudan (south-couldn't give a F**** about the north) and all its people. (realise how we do that when we know that what we are going to say next will not be very flattering?) They have adopted me in a way I can not imagine or believe that Kenyans would. But the fact that I love them does not mean I can't see the wrong that is going on.

In the last 3 months I have been to almost every corner of this vast country (and it is big I tell you). The peace signing was hyped so much and it was seen as the second coming. It was like manna was gonna start falling the moment peace was signed....Every villager believed it. Everywhere you go they tell you the same thing. How they knew their lives would improve. Unfortunately this euphoria has turned into despair and distrust for the leaders- who are unelected.

This is the third year since the CPA was signed and nothing is happening. No schools are being built, no roads, no hospitals.

Many of the official are people who had fled the war to countries like Kenya, unfortunately they learnt a little too well from our Kenyan politicians how to get paid to do nothing. There are rumours that some government officials receive a salary but they live in the US and UK...........HOW ????????? Another rumour has it that ministers are paid 35,000 USD to go for treatment abroad. SERIOUSLY? whether this rumours are true or not, the fact remains that they are in the public perception and this is how the public views them.

What is not a rumour is that the equivalent of a Provincial Commissioner drivers around with almost 8 cars and more that 20 security guards. This show of affluence in the face of people who can barely afford one meal a day is unfortunately only matched by NGO's. Aaaaach African leaders when shall we learn.

Well, I better stop there before I get arrested like the so called Rumbek 6. Apparently there are quiet a number who have been arrested and remanded bila trial for eons........and try being arrested in a country without laws!

still Kenyan

2007-04-13T12:36:00.000+03:00

* SIGH*
Anyone who had any doubt that I was cured of my bloggaddiction just needs to look at the date of my last entry. I am happy to report that I am back to civilization- though am not very sure it is civilization after seeing the mount elgon clashes !

How is everyone?

Kwanza I would like to thank Bants for holding forte over at bookworms. (despite the fact that he was asking people to do reviews in Sheng........................*SMH*) Bants you are by far the most talented and probably the only sheng writer in the Kenyan Blog sphere. And am glad to report that he did not pull a "nation"Asante Bants.

Haya I believe you need to leave this country to appreciate the changes that have happened, the moment I landed my first impression was how clean Nairobi had become- but again that could be due to the fact that I had been in the bush! A few other things I have noticed:

Politicians are still trivial, pointless and Oh so irrelevant. Whats with the stupid hummer debate? People, human beings are dying in Mt Elgon.......and these guys are talking about some ugly car? And suddenly all of them are getting self righteous: ati how can you spend all that money on a car and you are the MP of the biggest slum in Africa. Its not even as if had he not bought a hummer he would have spent that money in Kibera. Besides Ryan Sycreast and Simon Cowell will develop Kibera!
At any given time in this country there is a station playing a song by Akon. To be fair the guy has many songs. I wish he could just go away and take Rhianna with him.
Raila is still up to date with the movements of the Artur brothers. How? Why?
We still have no president.

Now that I have reported arrival, shall be catching up with old friend here and looking forward to making new ones as well. Thanks everyone.
Enjoy the weekend

Out of service (for a while)

2007-02-28T17:17:00.000+03:00

Hi,
its been a while. hope everyone is doing good.

I have been in the bush and will be going back in the bush in the next day or so.

Therefore, this blogger will be out for a while.

I am looking for volunteer (s) to take up the honour that is managing Bookworms (yeah I know I have been doing a lazy ass job of managing it)

Bants Una roho?

Anyways

Mujienjoi!

Promise to come back with stories from the "new" improved sudan

Over sensitive?

2007-02-01T16:19:00.000+03:00

That AD actually says : Give monthly and Deliver THEM from evil
Is it because am In a sad place right now? Or is it that I have seen where the money comtributed goes or is it really idiotic to put up such an Ad?

What is this evil that "they" are being delivered from? And who are "they"

Oh am such a Cynic

Shite of a weeekend

2007-01-29T11:55:00.000+03:00

I already hate 2007............why you ask?

I distinctly remember ordering for a happy 2007. In fact I can vividly remember being woken up in the middle of the night on 31/12 /06 by text messages ordering me to have a happy new year. I was very specific complete with details. I was not ambiguous. My order went something like
1. Keep me alive in 2007
2. Keep me employed
3. Still be in love
4. Keep me healthy in 2007
5. Let "him" still be normal in 2007
6. And many more such like specific orders

How can that possibly be confusing. If I go to a bar and order for a beer, then I can understand if the bar man/ woman brings me Guinness- Non specific. But if I order for a Tusker Malt, then I bloody well want a Tusker Malt......

So why did I not get what I ordered for? Look again at number 5. I said normal! How does drinking alcohol in the morning (AT 7 AM) count as normal? Where is smoking 2 packets of cigarettes a day normal? I do not give a Fuck if you are on leave. Drinking before you even brush your teeth is wrong in my eyes and surely in the eyes of God and my ancestors! Musa Nyandusi himself will be turning over in his grave if I didn't kick this twit to the curb!

Ok you may have gathered by now that what I thought was a normal man, turned out to be CRAZY!! I smoke (yeah I know harmful to health and all) but seriously 2 packets a day is employing too many people at B.A.T.

I don't care whether two weeks ago I thought the sun rose and set on your ***. I will NOT subject myself to such crap. So over the weekend I told that man that it was sooo over. I have very irrational reactions to alcohol.

The strangest part is that am not sad or weepy (actually I never get weepy). But its as if the whole relationship never happened. I have never in my entire life had such a civilized break up. Maybe he is too full of alcohol to realize that he no longer has a girl friend. Aaaaach!
I am I over reacting or being over sensitive? Or dear God nit picking?

Githongo

2007-01-26T12:16:00.000+03:00

Is it me ama githongo is just beginning to become pointless?

Why on earth is he dolling out those tapes like they are vitamin pills?

Why can't he just unleash all of them once and for all and we get on with hating NARC or is it NARC(k)!

Enjoy your weekend Y'all

Can't think of title!

2007-01-25T13:01:00.000+03:00

Almost a month since I posted anything? I do declare myself officially cured of my blogaddiction.

So how is the new year for everyone so far? Mine has been good so far (well except for that Manu V Arsenal match! still *smh*) I swore never to watch another match EVER, until I was watching some stupid program about the sexiest men in showbiz (hey don't ask, I was on leave dammit!) and Becks was in it. There was a clip of him taking a free kick and I guess I was supposed to be looking at his sexiness but all I could think about was "well did he score?" and I knew I would watch another match and another (basically for ever)

I did attend the World social forum and while I do applaud the effort the organisers put into it, I have to do some analysis here:

Organisation
Was very poor, too many events taking place at the same time, all doing/discussing basically the same thing. If you have 3 organisations talking about land rights, why should they be in different workshops? The programme was like 4 "east African" newspapers. It took quiet a while to figure out what was to happen where and when.

Food
How is it possible that Norfolk and Windsor were the only hotels that were allowed to have tents inside? Why? Which is why I (and I bet most onlookers) were happy that they were invaded.

Accommodation
How was it that someone pitched a tent (Desk) at the airport to receive ALL the guest? Apparently 3 companies were given the contracts to organise for the accommodation of participants.

Communication
What was it with celtel? why were participants being forced to get the celtel line?

Benefits
I'm hard to please but I gotta say that I met very many interesting organisations and people whom am sure I will be in touch with on a personal level for a very long time.

Achievements
But what did it achieve on a global scale? I saw one Director being interviewed about the forum and even she was at pains to explain what WSF has achieved over the last 7 meetings.

For me the most popular stand was the Gay and lesbians stand.

The most popular event by far was the protests about the price of food, celtel monopoly and entrance fee. I did join them for a few minutes but was too afraid to be caught on camera(LOL)

All in all, it was a well spent week away from the office.

So do share, did you attend WSF or the citizens forum at Jivanee?

Enjoy Y'all

January and already giving my first apology

2007-01-03T11:20:00.000+03:00

Aiii, it looks like this will be a year of apologies.

Public flogging may be required but I really have no excuse for missing the meet up! I am totally ashamed to say that I was simply under the influence (and am not a pleasant person when under the influence!) Otherwise I have just finished reading about the meet up and looks like a good time was had by all.

To be perfectly honest, I was also a bit scared of meeting people and finally exposing myself. What if I discover that one of the bloggers is someone I have known my entire life? like my sister or best friend....... AAARRRGGH! Shockhorror. I still somehow want to remain unknown and I do like the mystery of wondering what everyone looks like. But lam working up some courage for the next meet up! I swear and I promise!

So My first apology of the year goes to everyone who was at the meet up and specifically Aegeus.

I LOOOOOOVE KENYA and HAPPY HOLIDAYS

2006-12-19T13:58:00.000+03:00

Finally arrived home - yes a long time ago, but had to attend some boring boring one week long meeting, What is the point of coming home if I can't avoid meetings.

But I gotta say am very very excited to be home, now that I have officially started my drink fest (also sometimes called holidays)

It's so good to be home. I have made some resolutions to help me get through the holiday period:

1. I WILL NOT WATCH NEWS!

2. I know its over, but I will not talk about project fame except to advice that Alvin guy (or whatever his name was) That he has a really really bright future as a one man guitar! The one time I actually watched the thing, I could picture him at Roosters. And as for Ian, a guy has issues!

3. I will not go out with ANYONE who drinks and drives!

4. I will not talk to my boss!

5. I will try to get some sort of exercise everyday

6. I will tell everyone who has been good to me this year, Thank you. (on that note let me start, THANK YOU KBW members)

7. I will let non-entities bother me

8. I will love my man to bits

9. I will be good to my village relatives.

10. And finally I will keep safe and pray that everyone finishes the holidays peacefully and in one piece

Thanks everyone and enjoy your holidays be safe. And remember that Christmas is NOT about SARIT centre but about the birth of Christ

GOING HOME! Year wrap

2006-12-05T10:39:00.000+03:00

Finally the year is coming to an end. It has been one hell of a year. Round up of my year so far?

Met a wonderful, wonderful man! That has to rank above everything else for me this year. After being hurt soo badly (may he rot in hell) , I had given up on love and when I was least expecting it, I find happiness and love. And while still on the topic of being hurt, Karma did pay a visit to the dude. (wonder if it camped there ama it has moved on? )

I joined KBW. Where I met many many wonderful blogger/writers. Who made life more bearable for me, I have laughed, felt sad, received some advice on some tricky situations, learnt something about the money market (trust me the fact that I know those words is an achievementin itself). Adrian was actually the first blogger to ever comment on my blog. The first post I wrote did not have any comments and it made me extremely sad (yeah am not one of those people who claim ati they write for themselves. BULL!) It actually matters to me whether or not people comment on my blog. So Adrian Ahsante, you made my day and made me not give up on blogging. And eventually got addicted to it!

Got promoted! After slogging at the bottom and getting orders from twits who just happened to be of the same tribe as the decision makers, I finally got promoted and now I get to give orders to people who think am the twit who got promoted because I belong to the same tribe as the boss! LOL

I got 2 new nephews this year. Lucky for their mothers am away sooo much therefore I cannot spoil them as much as I would want to. Aren't kids beautiful especially when you can return them to the owner when they poo or start crying?

Kesho I take off from here headed for kenya! to be honest, am not sure I want to come back. I can't take this anymore. Am tired of all the poverty, hunger, fighting and general suffering. I don't want to be one of those people who can not live regular lives. Apparently there are some people who thrive in tough situations, sadly I am not one of those people.

I miss discos, bars, TV- watching (as opposed to listening to) football. I can't stand to see all the pubescent girls being married off to some 60 year old and then inherited by the sons when the mzee dies! But the thing I cant stand the most is the fact that whatever I (we) do is just a drop in the ocean. The hunger and poverty continues. So maybe after I have been in nairobi, around the affluent people, I might get fed up with the wastage of our politicians and come back to a simpler life! Never know. Will keep you posted.

So next time you read anything from me will be from Nairobi.

Enjoy yourselves Y'all and I will pass your greetings to ODM!

Thank you

2006-12-01T14:59:00.000+03:00

Ok, the blog geniusly called bookworms is up and running, and apparently am NOT incompetent just impatient, it just takes KBW volunteers a bit of time. Thanks guys.

Now We all await to read some great reviews. And this therefore means I can now stop milking this issue and get on with my blog block! thank you all for your support in starting this thing (told you I had blog block- kwani you weren't listening!)

Happy weekend Y'all and USE A CONDOM! (I aint gonna tell you not to do the nasty now am I?)

FINISHED!

2006-11-29T15:47:00.000+03:00

Well,
I did get off my butt and opened the blog. But somehow the welcome post did not appear on the web ring. (am beginning to think Iam the one who is incompetent).

Anywhos here is the link which has instruction/rules/etc, etc, etc

Am sure there is still room for improvements and suggestions

Haya

Muenjoi mukishirikiana na leader of the official opposition Mheshimiwa Kipyator. Aaaaach, kanu that was like a mugumo tree! Iam NOT renewing my membership: I was a member, remember there was a time all Kenyans were in KANU (baba na mama or was that Moi?).

Ok start sending in your book reviews now.

Aaaaach!

2006-11-27T15:04:00.000+03:00

Aaaaach! the aggravation..........
There is soo much I need to do re blogging stuff, but I cant get round to it.

My posts keep disappearing and I cant for the life of me understand what is going on.

Then the drama queen decided she wants to leave. And I have to organise for her depature. No one even wants to have a farewell party for her. Kumbe all along she has been having a thing with some other married colleague and no one knew about it. So when she shagged this other guy, all hell broke loose. Aarrrgh! I was praying for some drama, but in retrospect I realise I could have been happier without it.

I also know I was to start a new blog for book reviews, and I do promise I will. But I think I have worked out how this may work. Since guys also need to run their own blog, we should leave it as an open blog. with an email address, and guys can just send their reviews to the email and they can be posted. All authors will be acknowledged! I promise

Book review collabos anyone?

2006-11-24T15:59:00.000+03:00

In one of those my addicted with work (not) moments, I was just looking at the KBW members and the type of blogs that are here. Do you know that there is no blog that does books review, (and christmas is coming soon)

Couch and movie buff do movies/TV
Makanga: does the music
banks does the finances for us
YMT does politics
and many other specialised blogs

so I have come up with a plan: Anyone wants to do a multiblog/collabo? weekly/bi weekly blog. I will establish the blog over the weekend with maybe an email address and anyone can mail their reviews. or something

Obviously you can see this idea is still in the oven. But its definately coming. Feel free to give suggestions.

Enjoy your weekend y'all

Lost Post

2006-11-24T13:28:00.000+03:00

This is actually just a question:
Yesterday, I wrote this post and it briefly appeared then disappeared both from my blog and everywhere else. Can any body tell me what happens, and this is not the first time. I just couldnt be bothered the first time it happened. But now I would like to know...

Facts or fund raising ploy?

2006-11-21T15:02:00.000+03:00

Have you ever been sooo angry you want kill someone? That is me this afternoon, but I can’t kill anyone because AIDS is doing it for us. The HIV report has been released this afternoon. And would you believe it? Infection rates are actually going up. WTF? GOING UP?

Seriously people, my 6-year-old niece can recite how HIV is spread like a poem. How on earth is it possible that infection rates are going up? Has the message been drummed into out heads so much that we no longer hear it?

Apart from throwing Margaret Gachara back into jail, what else can we do? Seriously people, doesn’t the ABCD of prevention work any more? Should we re-strategize? Even in Uganda where the AIDS campaign was so successful the rates have gone up again.

AM ANGRY and so should every one be.

Or is all this a fund raising ploy? Oh come on before you jump on me, we all know the sort of reports NGO’s write to solicit money.

Is Love by nature manipulative?

2006-11-17T14:42:00.000+03:00

I wanted to do one of those monday sucks posts, but really this monday does not suck. Well Man u won (again!), Arsenal drew( again-ha ha ha ha!) Liverpool drew (and am sure they are very very happy about the draw ama aje Aco?) am not mentioning chelsea couz they are not really a footbal club

Anyway, have you ever seen a couple who have nothing in common paka you are like: "aiii, how now?" Well its the love manipulation. Everybody develops multiple personalities when they are in love. They become a different person.

Let me start with love itself: You have been going out with this person for say one month, then suddenly they turn to you and say "I love you", For the mamas the first thoughts will be "thank God he said it first" but for the jamaas it will be "Damn, Am I supposed to say it back?" And Boom right there is the first love manipulation. You can't very well say "thank you very much" or "you're welcome" Of course you have to say "I love yu too" in that shy whispering voice that this words often seem to bring out in everyone.

Now once those words are said, there really is no turning back. Your will is no longer your own. No body other than someone you love can make you wear that red dress over and over and over. (because he said you look good in it- so you keep wearing the dress to please him). Look at how many girls watch soccer without really understanding why Graham Poll was sent home during the world cup.

Why is it that you would kick your friends ass from here to Timbuktu if he suggested you watch cuando ses Mia, but you would gladly watch it with your latest mama? Arent we then manipulated to be who we are not? And its not compromise.

SEX: Anyone who has ever had a one night stand (ONS) will tell you that it easier to give traffic like instructions to someone you know you will never see again, than to someone you will need to share a glass of orange juice with the next morning. WHY? because you do not care what the ONS thinks, but you would want your lover to think the best of you. Chances are you probably enjoyed the ONS alot more!

It is probably why so many people cheat on their partners, they are not allowed to be themselves, the minute you decide to tell your partner that you actually really really like oral sex or you really don't like sex in the morning "you have changed soo much" while infact you haven't changed, that was the manipulated you!

Tears: Enuff said!

Thought: why do all those chicks in porn flicks wear a chain with a heart on it?

Naomba mkubwa wangu anilipe double!

2006-11-15T12:49:00.000+03:00

I have finally earned my salary. I have done actual work in the last three weeks. I have toured this my adopted country and it was sooo not easy. Am tired beyond words. But I have soo missed blogging. But I met and loved many people along the way.

Hating Kenyans.
hating you guys seems to be a pass time of many people. We were seated at a bar one day, and this two Ugandans at our table started hating on kenyans. One guy had this tirade about how he was robbed in kenya with a panga, and how everyone in Kenya is a thief. Another had a story about how the cops made him pay 100 shillings, "na shillingi mia moja iko pesa mingi sana". The guy really talked badly about Kenya paka I told him to shut up couz I had a PANGA! LOL

Killing Swahili
You know how they sema ati, Swahili was born in Tanzania, brought up in Kenya, died in Uganda, buried in congo? they should add exhumed and cremated in Sudan. Those sudanese who live around the border of Uganda and congo speak/mutilate many languages. Ati" mimi nasema na wewe na hutaki kusema na mimi?"

Not so christian love
We had to sleep in another church ran place to conduct some community meetings, the manager was the most evil (and not just among christians, but among all human beings). One of my collegues and I are not saved, so the moment she realised that she stopped saying even Good morning to us. Anything she wanted to say to us, she did it through our other collegue who is saved. It got to the point where we were all in agreement about the fact that there are some xtians who believe that their relationship with God is parallel to their relationship with other human beings. How can you be soo evil to other people and think you have the ticket to heaven.

In my absence:
So what has been happening in my absence? Who has fallen in love, Got a new Job, moved country?
to all the new bloggers welcome. To the oldies: Updates please

My update:
Apparently Karma also does some good things to good people (ehhm) Am soooooo in love. Can you see me smiling? Am practically on cloud 9. and yes I will come back down soon enough so let me enjoy this moments. Am operating on the assumption that since am basically a good person and he is also a good person (he chose me so he must be good), then we can expect the best from each other.

But for now I don't even want to think beyond (funga macho kama bado huja fika umri wa kujitafutia kitambulisho) my bed- aiiii, the brother anaweza kweli. Whichever school he went to, can it open branches all over the world. Every sister needs a brother like this one. We are apart right now and it sucks. I feel soo lonely (like a part of me has been cut off)

Okay I will think of more travel stories as the days go by. And Iam refusing to do any actual work for the next three days. I was soo far in the bush I didn't even know Gerard Levert died!! Atleast I also did not hear Raila being tiresome.

Enjoy

Karma is a B***CH and boy do I love her

2006-10-20T16:07:00.000+03:00

What goes around, comes around.What goes up, must come down.-Karma

They say that whether it is in this lifetime or the next, it will get you every time. And I believe it.

Actually this is a very personal story and if you hear (read) me burst into fits of giggles, chalk it down to temporary insanity. For you to understand this story I will have to start from the beginning.

So here goes: A few years ago, I had this guy. (Herein referred to as K). K and I had been going out for a while. Actually around about 3 years. I thought he was the one. I could not see myself without him. He was kind, generous, loving, and romantic. But still a man’s man. I loved K with the innocence of a child. He could do no wrong as far as I was concerned (maybe that was the first mistake). Anyway to cut a long history short, I thought he walked on water.

Then one day PUFF he was gone. Just like that. He said he had met someone else. JUST LIKE THAT. (Of course there were signs I just chose to ignore them-Mistake no 2). Needless to say I was devastated. It took love, friendship support and a whole year to get over it and him. He went on to marry the girl- Mrs K (formerly known as the Bitch who stole my man).

I assume it was all bliss until Karma struck. I got what I like to think of as a breathless email: (and I quote)

“Guess what? Mrs K is divorcing K, taking him to the cleaners AND he has apparently lost his job” Bye talk later

Bwehe he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he
Bwehe he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he

Gasping for breath

Tehi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi

Ok am done now.

I know there is something in the Bible that talks about not laughing at other people’s misfortunes. But if we are not meant to laugh at people’s misfortunes, Then God should not make our enemies so unfortunate. (That is tempting us after all we are human)

Am I a bitch for laughing at K? Without a doubt

Do I feel sorry for K: HELL NO.

It may sound like am bitter about what happened. Of course I am….. DUH!

Do I still love him? Maybe in some corner of the left ventricle of my heart. But the rest is pure unadulterated hatred. Infact I am a few kilometres ahead of hatred. Other than the pain of loosing a loved one, I have never felt the pain I felt then.

Will bad things happen to me for laughing at K? Probably. But I don’t care. I do wish though that some more really bad things happened to him.

I love karma. It gets you every time. That is why Y’all need to watch out how you treat other people.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall;
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses And all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

Workmate-Shagmate

2006-10-19T12:08:00.000+03:00

I read this book a couple of months ago and I was asking myself: "What freaking humanitarian programs do these people do?" Its basically about some humanitarian workers and their relationships (many)

And then yesterday happened!

At the beginning of this year, we finally added another girl (ok Woman) to our fold. See for about 2 years I was the only girl,(sigh! what joy it was, sigh, double sigh, the good old days, final sigh) which was okay by me as I don't normally get along with many women. Through no fault of my own, chicks just tend to hate me. (Even as far back as primary school, I always used to hang around boys- its probably why I think secondary school sucked soo much couz it was a girls only school) anyhow back to the story.

It was an unofficial rule that you could not shag one of the colleagues. Waaaay too much like incest and considering the fact that we live in a camp it could get a tad uncormfortable for everyone else. But apparently this rule did not get through her thick skull! the bitch!

Yesterday we had a farewell party for one of our workmates. Food, drinks, music - basically everything you would expect at a party. Some advice "if you cant hold your drink, THEN DO NOT DRINK" especially at office partys..................Kumbe girl turns into a slut after a few beers. Picture this: 2 girls, 10 men and alcohol. Lets just say that she ended up practising tongue hockey with 2 of the guys and shagging a third one.

She hasn't come to the office yet but am betting that today is gonna be one of the most uncormfortable tension filled days, and I cant wait ("Evil laugh") Updates kesho.

To be honest, I do envy her ability to shag that particular guy. Couz why lie, the guy is hooooot. Makes Denzel look like Busta rhymes or Lil wayne/john (or whatever that ugly rapper is called). The boy is sooo sweet you could just bite him. Am soo jealous, but even he isn't worth whatever drama that Iam sure (hope) will ensue.

Shagging your workmate is almost as bad as sleeping with your friends jamaa/mama. It causes too many problems.. I have so far steered clear of that minefield.

But are there any workmate-shagmate stories that have had a happy ending? Do you know of any?

I am addicted

2006-10-18T17:39:00.000+03:00

Heeeelllllp.
Today I was reading this and two things came to mind:
First Pole for having to watch Tyra Banks.
Secondly, Iam that woman..........I am addicted to blogging/internet. This is a sad undeniable fact. Sample my day:

Get to the office, set up work place (switch on comp, get out books blah blah blah)

Open the first tab - I always start this way because I promise myself that I will only use one tab to check my mail then start work.

Getting extrememly pissed off because one tab takes too long to check all my 4 addresses.

Tell myself I will open just one more to make it faster, as in the sooner I finish checking my mail, the sooner I will start actual work.

In about 10 mins I will have about 6-7 tabs open and one or two of this will be KBW.

Then I will say to myself, "............. (insert my name here) you will not read any new postings, you go back to jana's posts then on you move"

By 1.00pm I have broken all my promises to myself, and I will have read and made comments on every post that interests me. By which time it is time for lunch. And the same process will repeat after lunch.

If that doesnt convince you maybe this will:
Jana we had a couple of drinks (just couz we could) I went back to my room and wrote a really really really explicit post....... I was turning absolutely red when I read it this morning. You should all thank your lucky stars that we have no internet at nite.

OH MY GOD, I SHOULB BE FIRED... really I should.

Skype and making friends

2006-10-17T10:20:00.000+03:00

Every body loves skype, It has broadened the number of ways that people can keep in touch with their loved ones. There is only one problem with skype; every Tom, Dick, Mary and Harry can try to get in touch with you…. Normally I simply ignore the ones I don’t know but sometimes there are persistent ones. But sometimes its hard. Here is an actual excerpt of a conversation from Skype. For obvious reasons I have blanked out some personal information. And I have left even the parts written in Kisii couz they were just tooo hilarious.

Him:

naki bono? Kenya na Gusii mbuya ere/

Him:

u dont want to talk girl?

Response:

do I know you

Him:

Not really, I am chatting u from the state of ( beeep) United states, but inka (Beeeep)bori

Him:

U dont have to knwo someone, Just talk! Please allow me to ur contacts if u dont mind.

Him:

Nka ng'ai baba rende?

Response:

what language is that? I think you may have assumed am a kisii? Nope just married to one

Him:

Oh, ok, This is kisii, where r u married to? Sorry. It is not always good to assume

Him:

Where r u from then? what langauge do u speak?

Response:

sudan

Him:

I DONT THINK SO!!!

Response

dont think what?

Him:

YOU ARE KENYAN AND MAY BE KAMBA

Him:

PLEASE DONT LIE TO ME

Him:

YOUR R NOT SUNDAN!!!

Him:

WHERE IN KISII R U MARRIED

Response

ok if it makes you feel better to think am kamba thats fine by me wont change who I am though. bye

Him:

BYE

Him: (a few minutes later)

U STILL THERE?

Response:

didnt say I was going anywhere, just said good bye to you

Him

EH, PLEASE BE KIND KIDOGO

Him:

U NEVER KNOW WHERE WE CAN MEET

Response:

is there really any need to talk to someone whose first impression of you is that you are lying? dont think so

Him:

I AM SORRY IF THAT OFFENDED U

Him:

WHAT IS UR CELLPHONE NUMBER/

Him::

I CAN SEND AN AOPOLOGY THRU IT.

Response

no thank you. am now in sudan

Him:

I HOPE SO

Him

MINE IS beeeeeeeeppppppp

Response:

I dont want it

Him:

U R TOO RUDE! I HOPE U R NOT 2 UR HUBBY

Response:

Good bye

Him:

BYE THEN

Him:

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK

Response

you too and never question what someone tells you unless you have concrete reasons to

Well at this point I did actually leave (physically)

Eeeewwwww!

2006-10-12T17:46:00.000+03:00

Received thise and thought to share!!!!!!!!!!

During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine.

In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles, etc.)

An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.

In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept!

Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

In a lifetime 22 workmen will have examined the contents of your dirty linen basket.

At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests.

Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other peoples' anal gases.

HAVE A GREAT DAY...

...and wash your damn hands!

can we borrow you reserve goalie to play for us? Best match ever

2006-10-11T17:45:00.000+03:00

Yesterday was a public holiday here as well - a different one not moi day. It was a village holiday actually not a nationwide one.

Anyway as part of the celebrations there was a football match between ourselves and another neighbouring team. What ensued was the most hilarious and funnest game I have ever watched.

Each half was supposed to be 35 minutes long. About 15 minutes into the match we realized that the other team had 12 players in the field.....so we had to stop the game (very very loudly I might add) and complain to the referee. Who interestingly was a teacher from the opposing side school.

Then the first half went on for like 50 mins. By which point we were all drenched by rain and the players were all muddy.

Second half and again the other team had 12 players. (LOL) the nerve.

Our goalkeeper was by this time too tired to play anymore. So we borrowed the reserve goalie of the other side to play for us. LMAO . After about 45 minutes the other team scored. (WE ARE STICKING WITH THE GOALIE EXCUSE). The referee waited until the other team had scored then he blew the whistle. It was the best game I have ever ever watched.

It was after this match that I realized something. I started watching football way back when, as a way of bonding with my then boyfriend. I actually hated the game at that time and was only watching it to impress and please him.... But even after I broke up with him I did not stop watching football. I was hooked. Yesterday I finally understood that I love football passionately and genuinely. (see girls there is benefit in faking it sometimes)

Lets vote out Monday

2006-10-09T11:21:00.000+03:00

MONDAYS SUCK!!
Is there a group of stuffy old men sitting somewhere in Switzerland (where else) that deals with issues of weekdays? You know like the group that sat down (in Switzerland I bet) and decided that Pluto can no longer hack it as a planet.... Can we have another group that gets rid of weekdays and vote out monday

Hands up those that agree with me. Here are a few reasons why I particularly want this monday out

Harambee stars lost Again!!!

My Radio has developed a mind of its own and has taken the last two days off.

The 9th parliament is still sleeping

The weekend had no league games

I have to work

Iam not paid enough to work here (and I never will be!)

It is the 1st day of a week that has friday the 13th!!!!

That dude is still going on about Kikwete (YAWN!!!)

Ok now am reaching...................................add any more that make you hate this monday

have a good week

Tuesday Rant? and Ig nobel prize

2006-10-03T17:22:00.000+03:00

Am only writing as a response to a previous post I read: And No am not one of those people who slam what other people have written. Nope. this is simply a response to Jamaapoa who asks if Wangari Maathai can become president.
I have a few questions in response to that:

Did we or did we not know Hon Wangari before her Peace Prize?

Was she not the founder of Greenbelt movement before her NPP?

Was she not in the public eye before the NPP?

And this for me is the clincher, DID SHE NOT STAND IN 1997 AS A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE?

And did we not REJECT her?

So what has changed since then? So she received international recognition. and then? Does that mean we should now elect her? why do we feel the need to ignore our heroes until somebody else recognizes them?

Parting shot: Since this is the Nobel prize season dont forget to check out the Ig nobel prizes
or here their motto is: The prizes for achievements that "make people laugh and then think"

of disappearing boyfriends and online dating/Virtual sex

2006-10-02T12:06:00.000+03:00

Sadly my Haitus is over (tears of sadness)

Anyway a friend of mine suffered what I would call a moment of "what the FUCK happened?"

The story goes like this, my friend has been dating this guy for like forever. You know those relationships that you know will go nowhere? The ones of a couple who have been together soooooo long without actually formalizing? Sort of like Oprah and Steadman? Yeah. They have lived together, broken up, got back together. Yaani there is no drama they havent gone through. Even when they are broken up they still remain shag mates, as in one can call the other to spend a night of sex and the next day they go back to their respective partners. Anyway, a few months back they got back together (yawn) So for 3-4 months there was no drama from them. Until one night she frantically calls me to tell me her boyfriend had disappeared. Just like that the man stopped taking her calls, emails etc. One day he was there, the next he was gone.

Am afraid my friend will turn into a stalker, she doesnt understand what happened and she wants to find him either to kick his ass or shag him. I dont understand what happened either, and I dont understand such cowardice. But secretly am quiet glad it happened. One of them had to break that destructive habit. I sincerely (without telling my friend so) hope it is permanent. I mean the guy was good and everything...but their relationship was at best disfunctional.

Moving on, If there is one thing I don't get its online dating..... I was at a cyber cafe in nairobi one day. Nairobi cybers are quiet slow so I was sitting there waiting and this chick next to me was trying to upload her photos onto one of those dating site. Which got me wondering: What does one get from dating someone you hardly know? for all you know this dude/dudette could be a 300 pound jailbird pervert. And no the fact that he/she sent a picture does not mean anything. Remember photo shop? I have no issues with online friendships. But online dating? what the F*** is that? how does it actually work? If you are in the same country you can establish a relationship, then gradually work up to meeting (hopefully at a public place) But if you are "dating" someone from lets say Turkey or Greece (ama the two favourites USA and UK). How will it work? will the date come to Kenya or will you go? I know everything is going Virtual, but can you actually have satisfying virtual sex? Personally dont see the point of dating if the physical part is not included (No sija chill) You can't even hold hands and walk in Nairobi aboretum, or even take a boat ride at uhuru park. His/her name may not even be real he is probably called stenopolis or kalashnikov and is from those countries without vowels in their names. What is the point?

Have a good week everyone even the LIVERPOOL fans.

Does the kenyan parliament make people ridiculous? or did I actually vote for those clowns?

2006-09-11T10:57:00.000+03:00

I know Iam on temperory Hiatus, but it is self imposed so I can lift it if I want to. But when I arrived home, the first item on the evening news was this beef between Charity and Michuki.

Why does it feels as if the closer you are to the Kenyan parliament the more ridiculous you sound and behave? Did you actually wake up in the morning, queue for close to five hours (all this after not going to shags because you are registered in nairobi) just to vote for those clowns? We they clowns before I voted for them or did they become clowns after getting to parliament? Isnt it hard to imagine that a few years ago Kiraitu and Kibwana actually sounded intelligent?

And NO I will not apologise for calling them clowns, because that is what they are. Do we actually pay this people? How many parties can Raila belong to before he finally realizes that he can register in God's own party or the devils and people will still vote for him (dont ask me why)

My final thought to our parliamentarians? Two year olds throw tantrums, adults sit down and discuss issues...... Which do you want us to see, which are you?

Now back to my Haitus and you clowns Get off my TV

Temporary Haitus

2006-09-04T13:33:00.000+03:00

This is as a result of NOT actually doing any work. Am going home this week so all thoughts of work are in the back burner. So I trolled the internet, and found some crazy photos.

Note to self: check work email more than twice a week

You know that saying "kumbe you are brighter than you look"

How much you wonna bet this dude loves that sheep more than his MRS?

I tell you english came with water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kumbe wanaanzanga mapema?

No shit Sherlock

On that note, let me go check my work email. Happy blogging till we meet.

The rules for guys-

2006-08-31T17:07:00.000+03:00

Courtesy of blog block and results of lack of motivation for actual work- those who have read it before, poleni

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, other women or cars.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Of cultures, traditions and evil spirits

2006-08-28T10:13:00.000+03:00

Hope all of your enjoyed your weekend, even those arsenal fans……….I have spent my weekend hearing and learning some of the most fascinating things I have ever heard. It is good to learn about other cultures and finally accepting that other people’s ancestors are just as crazy as yours. I have made a collection of some of the beliefs/cultures. They range from the bizarre to the utterly ridiculous. I have refrained from naming the specific tribes because frankly I can’t remember all of them.

Of Women smokers

It is believed that women do not smoke voluntarily; women who smoke are possessed by an evil spirit called desatir. Apparently this spirit demands that among other things the woman should smoke and most of the time not get married. It can also demand for beer, food etc. Not sure yet what will happen if you don’t provide this things. I guess no one has ever tried to refuse it anything. Haki in my next life I so want to come back as a desatir.

Deviation: I came to know about this spirit because I smoke (yes I know it kills) and am unmarried. So some women came to inquire if my desatir needed anything that they could help me find. LOL

Of Childbirth

This is actually more of a tradition than a belief. It is believed that once a woman gets pregnant, she immediately stops having sex with the husband. They believe that the sperm can harm the baby’s development. And even after she delivers, as long as the mother is breast feeding, she can not have sex with the husband, ati the sperm will go to the pupils of the baby’s eyes through the mothers breast milk! (Go figure) It is actually a very effective method of birth control.

Of lighting

If it raining heavily accompanied by lighting and/or thunder, people do not sleep facing the side or on their stomach, you are supposed to sleep facing up. And if there is a visitor in your house and lighting strikes, you are supposed to chase them immediately. Because this means that the visitor has black magic. Apparently lighting follows those who have evil spirits e.g. desatir

Note to self: stay in the house during heavy rains

Of Adultery

Adultery in some communities is not just a sin IT IS A CRIME. Seriously, both of you will be jailed and a case opened. If you are found guilty the man is required to pay 7 cows to the husband of the woman. If the woman is unmarried you can decide whether to marry her ama you pay 2 cows to her father.

However the 7 cows reduce depending on how many times the woman has been caught!!!!!!!!!

Of Death

This are obviously too numerous to mention all, but by far the most hilarious I have come across is this one:

If for example you wife dies (and you know the way Africans never just die), some elders will get that contraption for capturing mice/rats. If the catch a male rate then it is your relatives who have bewitched her. But if they catch a female rat then it is her relatives who killed her.

Of Pregnancy (all ladies listen up)

I have saved this for last just to make sure that you read up to the end!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently (and I am down on my knees praying that it is true) when a woman is pregnant and she rukas her husband (remember that one of primo where if someone rukas you, you will never grow tall? Yeah that one). Well if you do that to your husband he will behave exactly like you, he will crave the things you crave, feel tired just like you, he will even start spitting like you do, complete with morning sickness. This will continue till the day you deliver.

I so want this to be true…………………………………..

Ok am off to do some actual work.

Politics is showbiz for ugly people ! how to acquire a partner- Sudan style

2006-08-22T11:04:00.000+03:00

That is why the most handsome president in the world should probably have gone into something else. He does not get what being an african incumbent president really means. How can you not have an outright majority and you are the incumbent? Remember Kagame won with a 90% victory. And what does Kabila do? he has to go for a second round. You know what Kabila needs, he needs lessons from Moi, Kagame, M7. Its only in countries like Tanzania that an incumbent has lost and the less said about them the better

One of my best friends is getting married in December. Iam very excited about it but I will probably miss it. But it has got me thinking about how people acquire spouses in different communitys

Dinkas
Among the dinkas, the girl really has no say-it is an auction and the highest bidder gets the girl. Iam not kidding. Some uncles and old men sit under a tree, and the potentials come with sticks representing the number of cows they are willing to pay, the more sticks you have, the higher your chances of getting the pubescent girl

Kukus (yeah there is a tribe here by that name)
If you think your Mother in law is crazy then you havent met this ones.
Among the Kuku, when a girl hits puberty, the mother will build a seperate house for her, she is then allowed to bring in boys/men to visit her. When the mother notices that there is one particular boy who is a regular, she simply waits for him to enter the house, then locks the poor dude inside, the only way that he will be let out is after the dowry negotiations have been completed. (suckers !!!!!!!!!!)

Madis
This one is a lesson to all those dudes who want some without the commitment.
The women in this community are very devious, they will come visit you in your house, they will let you shag them. And my brother that is the end of you. She wakes up the next morning to start doing wifey stuff like sweeping, cooking and cleaning the compound. As in she will NEVER leave.
There is a story of a guy who this happened to, he ran away from home and he has never been seen since

Murulei
this is for the girls ambao wanatembea ovyo ovyo,
This men just see a girl they like, in the middle of the usikus, they will send their buddies to go kidnapp you and take you to his house. The next day they will send a message to your family ati "stop looking for your daughter, she is here" and this is a sign that marriage negotiations should start.

Yikes

Things that make me go GRRRRRr

2006-08-16T17:48:00.000+03:00

Not talking really big life changing things like war, domestic violence and drunk driving. No, just the small things that make you really really annoyed irrationally.

Ladies who can’t decide whether they want a long or a short skirt/or long or short slit. You know the ones who wear short short skirts then when they sit down they start clawing the skirt as if the effort will make the skirt any longer than it was when you left home. If you need to claw at the skirt then it was too short for you to begin with. If you were comfortable with the skirt the way it was trust me you wouldn’t need to claw at it.

Pot bellied men. If I can spend hours in the gym, why shouldn’t you? (Another secret here, sex with a potbellied man is soooo not good. The logistics of it is way too complicated, just think about it, potbelly makes the hhmm, aaahh about 3 inches shorter)

Horizontal appointments AKA shagging your way to the top: This may fall into the category of life changing things depending on if you are the appointer or appointee. Ladies believe me a horizontal appointment may be the easiest way to get up the career ladder, but it’s the least fulfilling. However qualified you maybe (on the other hand if you are qualified you don’t need a horizontal appointment), no one will ever EVER respect you. And you are giving hard workingwomen all over the world a bad name.

Kenya Power, Kenya Water, Kenya parliament, Kenya (fill in the blanks). The sheer incompetence of these people is enough to make you look for tax evasion loopholes. Kenyan Roads. The only thing that doesn’t annoy is probably the Kenyan People. (and KBW of course)

Visible thongs/G-strings/panty lines and bra lines. Back to the ladies again. There is a reason why they are called UNDERWEAR. And let me just finish with ladies dressing once and for all, the black liner on your lips with red lipstick, is not a fashion statement. It makes your mouth look like a rubber stamp.

Psssssst, Pssssst, Psssssst, Is no ones name. Not even in the former Russian block where they seem to have a shortage of vowels. It’s flattering but annoying when it goes on for too long.

Lingala………….It is too monotonous. It feels like the same song sang over and over and over but by a different person.

Iam sure there are many more but don’t want to sound too grouchy or like a sour puss.

But what makes you go GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Football season Opener rants

2006-08-12T17:25:00.000+03:00

I seriously still have nothing profound to sema, but I cant wait for tommorow, am impatient, am excited. After kadhaa weeks bila football FINALLY there will be some action kesho. Man, sahau those things of I dont know liverpool V that Israeli team (where on earth do they get the morale to even think about soccer when half the country have been recalled as reservist!!!!!) This is the real deal, Liverpool V Chelsea. This is the test especially for chelsea who had to take an overdraft from Roman Arkadievich (yes that is his name- sounds like Akaranga)Abramovich to buy Ballack and Schevchenko. Then they kosead the mwafrika-Gallas by giving his NO to ballack, and now the poor dude be on Strike.

For a neutral like me, (NO am not a gooner-otherwise I would be crying about the fact that cole do wonna play for us), this will be a game I will just sit back and enjoy and watch Murhinos egg head (he did shave bold!!!!!!!) No heart attack inducing moments because really I don't have any stake in this. BUT I would much prefer that liverpool won. NO DRAWS please. dont you just hate the smugness in chelsea..........

And now what have they done to poor Victoria Beckham? She gave everything for her husband to play for his country to the extent of even banning the man from playing with Brooklyn lest he hurts himself. I mean she even used her own money to fly back to England during the world cup for an emergency hair do. And the minute her back is turned they chuck his ass from the England team, which apparently would cost them £50m.

Since am a united damu, I will not talk about Ronaldo being pelted with chewing gum. But I will celebrate the fact that we finally managed to get Rid of the Ruud boy.

Enjoy your weekend,the game and we shall be meeting every weekend for some great times ahead.

Hilarious

2006-08-09T12:05:00.000+03:00

I really do not have much to say, so thought would pass this forward along. And it would also give me an excuse to ask: What happened to that blog that used to have pictures of food? It was very very nice and now I miss it. If you are out there please please bring back the pictures.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Part I: Living in Sudan:- the past.

2006-08-03T11:50:00.000+03:00

I do not claim to be overly religious (if there is a phrase like that); I listen to “akisema atakubariki and kuna dawa"(no not in the bar!) I do say my prayers and go to church every now and then. But Living in Sudan I cannot help but look for the all-loving and ever-caring God I used to pray to in the village church when I was a little girl. Does he/she not listen to prayers from this side? Do the prayers not reach there-wherever there is? I realize that I may be applying my own standards to judge the conditions, but there are universal human needs and they are not fulfilled here. How could so much be so wrong in one place? How can the world allow people to live in mud huts, walk naked/semi naked, hungry and frightened of bombs and homeless in the 21st Century? Why weren’t there more people angry about the situation? Where was the UN, the AU? Where indeed was God?

For some time now I have been saying/promising that I will blog about my side of the world. This means Southern Sudan- Not north or Darfur where the parallels between what led to the 20-year war in the south and what is happening there are disturbingly similar. It’s difficult to decide where to start. SS is a country full of resources, in Africa it is only rivalled by DRC. And I guess that is the major source of the conflict, The North want what the south have and that is the reason why even after the 6 years elapse, the south will vote to secede and the north will not accept that, because it will mean loss of control over these riches. Gold, oil, animals and ofcurse the people are all to be found here not to mention the Nile (lets not even start on Egypt) The maddening thing is that none of this resources have been used on the people. Most families eat one meal a day if they are lucky to have had World Food Program drop food in the area. It is not that people are lazy, but the weather is tooo harsh. Temperatures can get to a stifling 45 degrees. The rains come once a year, (And Egypt has taken the Nile!!!) in the form of floods.

When I first came to SS about four year ago, I was in shock for about a whole year. We used to barter for food; a goat would be exchanged for a bar of panga soap and maybe one or two packets of salt. Most of our food came from Kenya (by plane of course). It was in Sudan that I learned that there was tinned githeri, carrots, and dried sukuma wiki. Money simply had no value because there was nothing to buy. We paid salaries in the form of second hand clothes, salt and Soap. By now am sure you have guessed that salt and soap were the most precious commodities. I will not even begin to describe my reaction when I was shown my mud hut. All I was thinking was “Damn I need a raise” Don’t get me started on the creepy crawlies, spiders, scorpions,lizards,snakes
“ I swear this is a true story, my colleague was coming from the bathroom one evening, happily whistling away, sans clothes, only to get to his Tukul (mud hut) and find a snake inside. I tell you I have never seen a man jump so high. Within seconds he was on top of a chair” I have the photo but he made me swear never to show it to anyone.

Prior to the CPA, I had not gone to any “town” with a tarmac road, Permanent constructions, telecommunication, public transport, schools and many of the things I used to take for granted. All public social amenities are managed by NGO’s. Its not that the people of SS are not able to manage them, but it’s hard to do that when you are running for your life, isn’t it?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad, Living among the Dinka people is one of the most pleasurable experiences anyone can ever have. Maybe its because they are so unspoilt. They have no issues of jealousy or envy. And they are 100% honest. They do not ever talk behind your back, if you annoy them trust me they will tell you to your face. (Participants at a workshop refused to attend a session because the facilitator had the “wrong approach”) You know those anonymous evaluations that are done in workshops? None of that here they will tell you to your face. And if they like you, they will immediately give you a Dinka name.

You would think that with all the poverty and hunger people would be falling over themselves to leave SS, but are they? Will be talking about the present on the next episode.

At what point does a friend become a liability?

2006-07-30T17:27:00.000+03:00

This weekend, I have lost a great friend. No he didnt pass away. Just that my friendship with him has come to an abrupt end, after 5 years of sharing, consoling each other, making decisions together, screaming at each other and making up later. He was/is one of the best friends I have ever had in my entire life. And a testimony to the fact that men and women can be friends with out the sex thing coming up. We went out together, got drunk and talked shitty to each other and to other guys. But sex never came up ever. When he met his wife, I was with him and when he married her, I was there sad that the era of measuring up chicks for him was over.

So you can imagine my dismay 1st to discover that he has been shagging someone else. And then for that same small thing to come to me and tell me that my friend thinks I have a crush on him. WHAAAT? why? when? how? This raises 2 issues in my mind:
Could She be lying?
Does he really think that?
If she is lying and I ask my friend (lets call him R) then that will definately bring problems between them. The thing is I dont really care if it brings problems between them, after all its not as if I like the girl or the fact that R is cheating on his wife, who happens to be a very good friend of mine. At the same time, I dont want to look petty, fighting with an "under 18"
If he really said that, what the fuck was he thinking, what could have given him that crazy idea? why did he feel he had to justify my friendship with him? I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU. Please dont crush my belief in the fact that men and women can be friends.
So far, I have not asked him, I have not talked to him either. Iam just filled with a huge feeling of loss,sadness and absolute betrayal. How could he cheat on a woman I love and respect, how can a man I respect shag someone else? And someone who does not measure up to the wife?
Halafu nina swali: Why do men always (well almost always) cheat with a girl who is a couple of notches below the wife/girlfriend. house girl, secretary etc. Dont get me wrong its not ati they are not women, but.........and dont tell me its love couz its not. How brief can love be couz after a tew months they move on to the next house girl.
Anyway back to my friend, Iam currently ignoring his mails, text and calls. obviously I cant do that for ever, at some point he will ask whats up. I need some advise couz on the one hand I dont want to loose him but I also dont want drama in my life. Anyone out there willing to help me?

Been tagged: EVIL !!!

2006-07-21T13:44:00.000+03:00

Got back from home(ooh bliss) and what do I find? I have been tagged!
so here goes:

Rules:
Post six weird facts/habits about yourself. These cannot be used against you later on.
At the bottom name the six people you will tag next.
Leave them a comment to let them know they’ve been tagged and to read your blog.

1. I feel nothing for shoes and clothes, for me they are an evil neccesity. If I could I would walk bila clothes especially a bra (yuck) worst invention ever. I think I own 3 pairs of shoes (including bathroom slippers!)

2. Francis (sky news weather man) I find totally hot. The way the man reads the weather is unmarched. (goose bumps)

3. I absolutely HATE men (those who have an interest) who call all the time, "hi, how are you? Just wanted to find out how you are doing". Every few hours or so. its annoying and irritating. However if he doesnt call for a day I will get extremely annoyed. In short I dont want him, but I dont want him to stop callling either. I find it difficult wanting a man who REALLY wants me. On that note I have had 4 different men say to me, "I wish I was not married" but have never had any single man say "thank God you are not married" hmmmm wonder why?

4. I sulk (need I say more)

5. Iam very fickle. I will obsess about something for a while, then......nothing. I will go through a phase of really loving something for example I have more than 50 towels- I went through a phase of acquiring them, then it stopped, now am into pajamas. Iam up to 6 pairs. This happens with everything in my life, food, men, TV shows, books/authors. Everything.

6. I find some silly things extremly hillarious. There is a thing I call Tv in a TV. This is when you are watching TV and the character is watching TV. Thus TV in a TV get it? . One time I got TV in a TV in a TV, as in the character in the TV was watching TV and the character......ooooh never mind. My family think am weired. But its funny. I laugh even at sad things, even when am crying, I can start laughing/giggling.

warning, stereotypical racy joke coming up
Onyango and mueni were on a beach holiday. They decided to get some in the ocean. Mueni went down (you know suck) on Onyango. At that crucial point onyango saw a shark coming. So he started screaming at Mueni: " Mueni SAAARK" Mueni not familiar with the sh/s luo issues sucked really hard........
And that is why Kambas dont like the ocean.

And should I really inflict this on anyone? Ok here goes, any luo man and Kamba woman out there??? Go On consider yourself TAGGED

Zen for those who take life too seriously- (COPIED)

2006-07-08T17:54:00.000+03:00

> > 1. Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set.
> > 2. A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, Night.
> > 3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers.
> > 4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn't Familiar
> > Territory.
> > 5. 42.7 Percent Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The
> > Spot.
> > 6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why
> > Some People Appear Bright
> > Until You Hear Them Speak.
> > 7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel
> > Universe.
> > 8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.
> > 9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below
> > Average.
> > 10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.
> > 11. Depression Is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.
> > 12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second
> > Mouse Gets The Cheese.
> > 13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.
> > 14. Support Bacteria. They're The Only Culture Some
> > People Have.
> > 15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your
> > Week.
> > 16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad
> > Memory.
> > 17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending
> > Machines.
> > 18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great
> > Trade!
> > 19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.
> > 20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It!
> > 21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing A Couple
> > Of Payments.
> > 22. How Many Of You Believe In Psycho-Kinesis? Raise
> > My Hand.
> > 23 . Ok, So What's The Speed Of Dark?
> > 24. How Do You Tell When You're Out Of Invisible
> > Ink?
> > 25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have
> > Obviously Overlooked
> > Something.
> > 26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're In
> > The Wrong Lane.
> > 27. Hard Work Pays Off In The Future. Laziness Pays
> > Off Now.
> > 28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Do
> > Not Have Film.
> > 29. If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy
> > Her Friends?
> > 30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without
> > Sponges?
> > 31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked
> > Into Jet Engines.
> > 32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death
> > Twice?
> > 33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept
> > Falling Out.
> > 34. I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes, So I Made Your
> > Horn Louder.
> > 35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?
> > 36. Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person
> > Wondering What Happened.
> > 37. Just Remember - If The World Did Not Suck, We
> > Would All Fall Off.

AND FINALLY THE EARLY WORM IS CAUGHT BY THE BIRD- SO SLEEP MORE THIS WEEKEND

I curse thee oooh pilot- Dedicated to all those who are where they aint supposed to be

2006-07-07T11:25:00.000+03:00

Living in southern Sudan ranks as the biggest challenge of my entire life. Anyone who knows me will tell you I love the good life. I love going out for a drink or two- BTW how I finished uni is beyond me and I love TV (I was once seriously addicted to TV and could plan my life around tv programs) Then I got a job in S.S and all this had to come to an end. For about 3 years, we didnt have TV, or Internet. And to this day there is still no bar. SS is one of the saddest place anyone can live. The poverty levels are too depressing. Literacy levels down there- like 5%.......Dont get me wrong there are some good things THE NILE is beeeautiful. (but that is a story for another day)

Anyway that is not why am sad today, that situation makes me sad daily.

But today I was to go home. i.e. nairobi. I was so excited about the fact that I would watch the WC finals- Go Italy- in a bar (with a beer), I would watch the Wimbledon finals, I would see my relas.......So there I was bags packed, spent half the night praying for no rain (airstrips are just cleared fields so if it rains and you are set to go out- my friend you are doomed)

enough said!!!!
I forgot to pray for one thing, which in my wildest dreams I would never imagine happening. The bloody pilots went on strike! on strike! are they serious..... Iam all for fighting for your rights, good pay blah blah blah..........but not when it affects me. No No No No. I know you are saying girl relax, chill out, take another flight. Nope, not happening, nada. because

We are not allowed to look at let alone board any flight that is not authorised by the UN
There is no other flights other than the one run by the UN

Now our flights come 3 times a week, Monday, wednesday and friday. Which means I don't get out till........riiiight

What is going to happen to all the beer I was going to drink? All the nyama choma I was gonna eat and all the sex i was gonna have? I made my (patience of Job) shagmate postpone his trip. After two months out here in the village, I need some.

Speaking of which, let me digress abit, Why is it that men are sooo afraid of womens sexuality- no let me qualify that, why are many men afraid of women who are comfortable and happy with their sexuality and not afraid to say what they want sexually and ready to participate in making sex a pleasurable experience? I would imagine that is the kind of woman most men would want. Who wants a woman who just lies there while you do all the work? Do you guys not want a woman who participates. After all aint we in the age of participatory blah blah

Remember that Joke that used to go around about the woman plaiting her hair during sex? Or the one of "ukimalize nifunike" LOL Seriously who wants that?

This is just my pent up anger at not being at home this weekend, things that dont go my way really really bring out the worst in me.

If you are in the right place this weekend, Enjoy and if like me you are in the wrong place- you are not alone and all this shall come to pass!

GO ITALY

so Mukhisa was carjacked? do I give a F?

2006-07-05T16:56:00.000+03:00

I have not been writing for a while now, and have just been copy and pasting stuff from other sites. Dont know why, maybe bloggers block, or being busy? (na, didnt think so either seeing as I got the time to blog crawl ). Whatever the cause, havent felt much like putting in effort.

...........and then I read this and boy did my creative(sic) juices or was it anger, start flowing. Mukhisa Kituyi, trade minister (and sometime NARC's Nameless) was car jacked at gun point. For normal folks the reaction would be one of shock, horror and disbelief. But mine...greater joy than watching France beat brazil combined with italy beating germany - I mean kwani there is only 2 nations who know how to play soccer. Aaaand yenyewe was Ronaldhino even in germany ama hawezi kucheza bila Etoo. And halafu how Klinsmann is alive this morning I cant understand. The man was at the point of heart attack jana, you could see the bench guys pole pole moving behind every time Germans hit the woodworks. The man would scream and throw things much like Wayne Rooney after being substituted

oooo ya, back to Hon Kituyi. I work and live here:
(had a picture of my "town" here but it refused to up load- by the way what happens to those pictures when the kawindow goes like your images have been uploaded and then puff they disappear)
never mind- so I pay taxes so they can live in Runda, Karen et al
Once they get there, they forget who the fuck put that 2000 euro in his pocket and the bloody rolex watch. OK they didnt have to take the wedding band. On a DAILY basis, kenyans are car jacked in matatus, buses and personal cars. At the road, at their gates et al. But has anyone ever taken notice? nooooo. Do they care? are you kidding! Do they do anything about it? Are you out of your fucking mind!!!!! They have body guards (who BTW I pay for while I can not even afford to pay a watchie to make sure my (when I grow up I want to be a bus)-mini is not left on stones while the thugs sell my tires.

They spend my hard - really really hard earned money sleeping on benches at parliament- as if I dont pay them enough to buy queen size mattresses at slumberland. Making inane statements on DSTV super sports 3. seriously does anybody in kibera own DSTV or even have access to it. Do not kid yourself that those DSTV owning people are your voters, they are not. Why, why, oh why anyone would announce their candidature for presidency on a South African station is beyond me. Dancing with school girls at political rallies, like that will make life better for them or any one else for that matter. For heavens sake cant they just greet the tois? sheesh making young children spend time learning dance moves and (insert tribe)songs

So my problem is not that the whole lot of them are no good (fill in appropriate insult), my feelings about this story are: for just one day, one of them will understand what thousands of kenyans go through every single day. Will this change anything? Of course not! nothing changed when Martha and father were car jacked.

But on a human level, I sincerley feel sorry for ANYONE who goes through the trauma of a carjack. On a "haven't we been saying security is bad" level, I really feel nothing. And just to show them how much people dont care about them, the thugs didnt even recognize him. I would laugh but it is too sad.

Ok I do feel much much better now. And I swear one day I WILL blog about life in South Sudan, but am going home on friday so may not be soon. But in the meantime, if you know any Sudanese in the diaspora who needs to come back home, there are jobs galore for sudan nationals.

Butter Fingers who? me thinks not

2006-06-28T11:58:00.000+03:00

Remind me again why he was called Butter fingers Barthez?

BBC SPORT | Fun and Games | Commentators' classics

2006-06-27T16:55:00.000+03:00

BBC SPORT Fun and Games Commentators' classics

Commentators' classics
These are all quotes sent in by readers from around the world about the world cup. Follow the link if you have any to contribute.

"Yorke took the full force of Gerrard's shot right in the...Michael Ballacks"
Canadian commentary during England-Trinidad game...wonder how long commentators having been waiting to use that one! (Simon Foxcroft, Canada).
Rooney looks like he's been called in for his tea.Gareth Southgate on Wayne Rooney's petulant reaction after being substituted against Sweden. (Johnny, UK).

The goalkeeper wants locking up!
BBC's Mark Lawrenson on the hapless performance of Tunisia goalkeeper Ali Boumnijel against Spain.

"I hope he'd put up more of a fight if he was trying to nick his wallet!"
Mick McCarthy after Serbia & Montenegro's Mateja Kezman crumples under a challenge from Gabriel Heinze of Argentina. (Nick Turnbull, UK).

"Brazil were Kaka!"
Best Comment of the Brazil match by Gary Lineker. (Stan Holcroft, Netherlands).

"I knew the Australians were in town when I was sat next to an inflatable Kangaroo on the train this morning."
John Helm Commentating on Australia v Japan for Canadian TV. (John Beeden, Canada).

David Pleat: "The USA are playing a 4-3-2 formation."
Peter Drury: "It can't be 4-3-2 - there are only eight outfield players!"
ITV commentary team during USA-Italy game. (Stephen W, UK).

"Serbia & M have made one change for the second half, while Argentina are still Argentina."
Jonathan Pearce commentating for BBC1 during Argentina v Serbia & Montenegro game. (Stephen W, UK).

"The goal is coming. It's whether or not the clock runs out."
ITV pundit Gareth Southgate is hardly going to give Nostradamus a run for his money. (Erik Sharman, UK).

Lawro: "He took out his standing leg."
Motty: "That's the sort of thing Fifa want to stamp out."
Lawro: "What, his leg?"
Typical dialogue between Motty and Lawro during the Italy-Ghana game, after De Rossi scythed down Essien.

"Its like a big yellow banana running at you!"
The BBC's Mark Lawrenson on Paul Robinson in the England Paraguay match. (Alastair McCrea, Northern Ireland).

"He's a part-time wally."
Mick McCarthy on the Russian referee during the France v Switzerland game. (Dougie Ferguson, Scotland).

"Have we got a team in there?"
American voice, on being asked by Radio Deutsche Vella: "Who will be the two teams in the World Cup final?". Only in America! (Bill Maddock, Brit in Australia).

"The King of Saudi isn't here today as he was detained by domestic matters - mind you, so would you if you had 30 wives and 35 children..."
ITV's Jon Champion. (Stephen W, UK).

"If the United States beat Italy, call this the World Cup FINAL.""I'm not bothered by McBride's nose. It's the own goal that's making me laugh.""Look at that tackle! Fifa should look into having players wear helmets."
All by one of our TV football 'experts'. (Jackie Pike, USA).

"Frankfurt is only two hours from London, so this is just like a home game for England!"
Commentator on ABC Sport channel in USA. (Lee Newton, USA).

"Valencia has made a big impression on the Poland players today, mostly around the shins."
ESPN's Irish commentator Tommy Smyth during the coverage of Poland v Ecuador. (Ben Leyland, USA).

"The referee isn't biased...he's just rubbish."
Alan Green commentating on Five Live Sport during England v Paraguay clash. (Chris Davis, England).

"The ball is an essential part of the game."
Johan Cruyff on Dutch TV after the Holland-Serbia match.

"The most famous football player in the world, Michael Beckham."
An American World Cup commentator for television Station ABC, commenting on how famous David Beckham is - unfortunately he can't get his name correct. (Charlotte Brennand, America).

"And there's a joke on the German bench...Oliver Kahn."
During the England match...I think it was John Motson as the camera panned over to the German bench who were laughing at something. (Andrew, England).
"They couldn't bring him on, he was having his afternoon nap."
Gary Lineker after Ian Wright suggested bringing on Theo Walcott. (Stacey, England).

"He's got a skunk on his head!"
Mick McCarthy on Danijel Ljuboja and his barnet during the Serbia & Montenegro v Holland match. (Gareth Robinson, England).

"Some of the referee's decisions have been very one-sided, with both teams getting an equal share of his mistakes."
Commentator from ART sports on the England v Paraguay game. (Matthew Kirkman, Bahrain).

"It was getting 'Klose' all the time, but 'Frings' worked out in the end!"
Gary Lineker after the Germany-Costa Rica Game. (Andy, UK).

"Goooooooooooooooal to Iraq...Iran."
Commentary on Brazilian TV during the Iran v Mexico game. (Tim, Brazil).

legal aid

2006-06-22T16:34:00.000+03:00

I saw this and thought it would benefit everyone. but dont hold me responsible for any bad stuff ( lol)

Dear All,

I would like to introduce SimpLaw, a website that offers legal information.SimpLaw is a resource that enables you to access information on the lawquickly. Our goal is to demystify the law and make legal transactions easierand more affordable. You can ask questions for no charge on any aspect of the law. You can alsodownload sample legal forms, for a minimal cost, for different transactionssuch as employment contracts, contracts for sale and purchase of propertyand tenancy agreements. For more information please visit http://www.simplaw.co.ke.
RegardsKathambi Kinoti

My world cup IS BACK

2006-06-16T10:25:00.000+03:00

I know that this may sound a tad selfish, with all the drama going on around here, but MY DSTV IS BACK. For all those who have no idea, our dish had been blown away by the wind (literally). Our attempts to watch the Brazil game at the neighbours were thwarted by this really really nasty odiero (No disrespect to all nice odieros but this one was very mean and racist) having never encountered racism in Africa, I was shocked that someone could come to my continent and behave like that. He literally chased guys, those ones of " what are you doing here? who said you could come here, do you not understand english" and this was not even his house, it was an NGO compound. ASHIDWE

Anyway I digress, so energised (humiliated) we decided to fix our own, I mean what could be soo hard!!! Trust me its hard. But with the help of this GREAT lady at multichoice Kenya (big up) and 3 days of no work, (if you know bossman please dont tell) , we finally did it, in time to watch a very disappointing game between Sweden and Paraguay, but hey after resigning myself to missing the entire WC, I would have watched Gor Mahia. (go gor!!!!)

Not caring about the budget right now. Till my euphoria dies down

Life's little(ish) dilemmas

2006-06-14T10:59:00.000+03:00

so since our fuschball is out, we gotta bond,no?? sitting in the evening watching the stars and the beautiful moon,we started discussing lifes little (sometimes big) dillemmas. So help us out here- it all started as a small: really small arguement about citizenship, so that is where I will start:

1. Would you give up your citizenship?
7/10 would give up their citizenship without batting an eyelid. Couldnt imagine what was going through Oliech's mind.(refusing 100 million- sheesh) But of the 7 all would NEVER (their words not mine) change their name for any amount.

2. What would you do for your girl/man
here are the scenario(s):

a.) You are the boss, you hire a girl/man, you really like the girl/man seems the feelings are mutual. Problem: do you pursue this person and loose the respect of your collegues and juniors ama do you let what/who could be the one go?

5/10 would let him/her go
3/10 would try to change jobs
10/10 would suggest that the girl/man get another job.

b.) You meet a girl/man, love him/her to bits your mother thinks she is the worst thing to happen to you since you were bullied in form one.
3/10 would give up the girl/man
7/10 would try to negoo with mother

c.) The usual one, meet him/her but you are married/committed.
As the Indian would say "vhat to do yaar"
2/10 would not touch the girl/man ( two people, 2, wawili,seriously 2 people!!!!!)
8/10 would do the nasty but keep is a secret

3. Who is more important: For the boys: Your wife or your mother/ For the girls: your husband or your father

Nothing to add here
Lets just say the women chose father while the men chose wife.

4. Your family or your job
You get what is your dream job, you would be very good at it, you would enjoy it, it pays more than you ever dreamt of earning, the problem its in a different continent from your family?
Suprisingly this was the most difficult for people to decide. the debate continues...........................

Not to bore you with many more, just thought this are some of the major dilemas that many people face daily.

So what would you do?

listening to Football (luhya style) part 3 [The smugness, the horror, the anger and finally the shame]

2006-06-10T10:51:00.000+03:00

So the world cup started yesterday? BIG DEAL. No sattelite, not radio, this sucks.

The History: Ok to rewind abit........... Two months ago our sattelite dish was blown away by this hurricane like winds. Bossman decides its too expensive to bring someone over here to fix it. Believe me it costs less to go to Europe than to come here. So no TV

The smugness: Well no worries for me I say (thinking to my self that I have paid my world space subscription and the thing has many, MANY channels) besides this radio station has been saying how they will broadcast all the games. Being an expert at listening to footbal am totally bila worries. Those without radios wameze wembe........ yeah I rule

The horror: Now its 7 p.m jobo is over, I pack my stuff and head off to my hut.. sure enough the game is starting, the players are in the tunnel, they march in and the anthems are starting. So I say to myself, "quick shower, then settle in for the game" to my shock this british accented voice starts saying "Due to contractual agreements, we are unable to bring the scheduled program at this time, but here are some moments you may have missed" what moment? when did I miss them? and who the **effing told them I want to hear those moments right now..........?

The anger: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh
aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The shame: its now 11.30am kenya time saturday morning, I think i can go for my friday dinner now and apologize to my collegues for the horrors and not talking to them and not joining them for dinner last nite. And probably try and have my radio repaired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

End result:
1. To my collegues: you know I got love for you all.
2. World space: My broken radio is absolutely no reflection on you
3. That radio station (for fear of being somethinged (sued, killed, et al), I will not name them): I really really have no good feelings for you right now. We have had a good relationship over the years, but after what you did yesterday: IT IS SOOOO OVER BETWEEN US. Am looking for a new station to feed my hunger for soccer and to dall in love with. Goodbye bad radio station

Enjoy the world cup!!!!! and the French open ( if anyone even remembers its going on)

Ban gay marriages- for morality? (Yeah right)

2006-06-06T10:35:00.000+03:00

I thought it was tough being a woman in this world, but there are worse things E.g. being Gay!!!!!!!!! The decider himself is Again looking for ways to make them non people ( and at the rose garden nonetheless)

The decider is trying to tell us that marriage (between one man and one woman is the moral thing to do) This from a country that is glued to their screens watching "who want to marry a millionaire, who want to marry my dad, Bachelorette, the bachelor and those kuks who met over some radio program and lived "happily ever after" for one month......" America has the highest rate of divorce - IN THE WORLD. and they claim that it is for the sake of the children, is it better to tell your children that you met and fell in love or you met and kissed dozens of women/men over the television before deciding on which one to marry!!!!!!!!!

Any student of Gender will tell you that it is NOT the sex of a person that raises a child, it is the nature/morals of the person- so whether it is 2 men, 2 women, or 1 man and 1woman, it doesnt matter!!!!!!!!!! Anyone remember that crazyass couple who systematically killed and buried their children in their backyard? It is not the sex- its the people.

Ok enough venting

Anyone hear about the 80 year old geezer couple who are spending 400,000 USD for their family mausoleum!!!!!! FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND. Their excuse? the old man has a phobia about being put in the ground and soil poured on him. DUDE YOU ARE DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway everybody should vent today because the world may end today 6/6/6 the number of the beast!!!!!!!!!!!! and before the world cup too.

Could this be the way to get people involved in "ending" poverty in Africa

2006-06-03T11:12:00.000+03:00

obviously "lifted" from You Tube

MADARAKA- BEING KENYAN

2006-06-01T10:08:00.000+03:00

My mother drunk or not (somebody was once quoted). That is what I feel about being a Kenyan. I mean I just came from home the other day, and the drama there was more than anyone can bear. Today being my and kenyas birthday I decided to list unique (good and bad) things about kenya that make it kenya. THIS IS WHY I LOVE KENYA

1. We love politicians/ we hate politicians
I mean........Kenyans hate and love politicians at the same time. I have sworn till my throat got sore at those guys. Most of our politicians are sooo loathsome, you wouldnt hire them to sweep your toilet and yet we elect them to make laws and represent us. WTF!!!!

Smoking gun:
David Mwenje

2. We trust our preachers/ we are cheated by our preachers
Dont use condoms, pay money and you will be cured of AIDS. This group of people are a circus all by themselves. Remember the catholic priest who decided to get married? enuf said

Smoking Gun:
"The glory is here" is getting married and we are excited about it

3. TV
Seriously how many shows (failed ones) can Kathleen Openda and Jimmy Gathu Host? How many Cuando ses mias can women get addicted to? And where the Fuck does nation get their reporters from, and why cant they pay emmanuel Juma to retrain them? Those reporters suck (seriously- they have lemons in their mouth). Thankfully Hamisi Tembo and Aunty Elizabeth are now behind the scenes.

Smoking Gun
Bernard Otieno and Bernard Otieno?

4. Radio
What is Jambo FM? Which radio station has Pinky Ghelani, JIMMY GATHU, and Bob Kioko never worked for? And whats with all the comedians (sic) on Radio. And seriously how many times can you listen to My hips dont lie? Why has Kiss FM not paid Sean Paul?

Smoking Gun
DJ CK

5. WE STILL LOVE KENYA
To go full circle, my mother drunk or not. Despite all the above, We still love Kenya and are very very proud to be kenyan. We say it with pride and would set up a boxing match between Conjestina and anyone who dares speak ill of Kenya.

Smoking Gun
We still take Kenyan ID's despite the bad black and white photographer.

BE PROUD TO BE KENYAN ( I AM!!!)

Am back!!!!!!!!!! Anyone miss me? (anyone!!!)

2006-05-30T11:55:00.000+03:00

For those who have seen this poleni, if you havent: ENJOY

Kibaki whispering to World bank Director.. who was also kibaki's tenant in Muthaiga at the time. Either you unleash that funding to Kenya or I hike your rent by 200k kuku wewe!!
=====================================================================

Tuju to the PM of Thailand:... and that is Raila .. he is very very stupid .. look at him eh ? we are busy enjoying Thai cuisine and the dude is arguing with the waiter to bring him kamongo... I mean wtf !!! .. anyway were it not for human rights he was one of the animals that we are planning to ship to Thailand zoo=============================================

National Assembly speaker Francis Kaparo:

"ONE: This is the very last warning to all those MPs who have been writing grafitti on parliaments chairs and benches and especially in the toilets .. sijui ... "Kamotho was here - 1997 to 1999" mara "I shikashikad Martha before Father did it" .. ETC ... THIS IS IT. Anyone found writing on thee wall is OUT."

"TWO: Anyone found smoking weed in parliament grounds just because the police cannot arrest you in here .. will have to face the Chief Whip. So I am therefore addressing Kajwang, Njoki Ngung'u, Beth Mugo, Mwenje and Tuju .. let me not see you hiding in the garden again"

"THREE: Lina Jebii Kilimo is a married woman ! Can all those leaving her "love notes" in the her pigeon hall cease do do so from today onwards ! ... (omits reading the culprit's names because he is one of them)

==============================
!
It was not me ! I am not the one! I was not even near the Holy family Basilica parking.. I know reports are saying that people saw a white robe running into the chapel after the incident ,, BUT I can assure you I was not the one. ! ... Next Question Please ?

of mothers day, cricket (and trying not to write about liverpool)

2006-05-15T12:17:00.000+03:00

Raise your hand if your mother understands the concept of mothers day (if your hand is up, why are you at home and schools already opened?) Am not saying that we should not appreciate mothers, (every sane human being knows we should) its the concept of one day of the year: it is just not enough to appreciate what those women mean and do for us. I mean I love my mother as much as the next person but just because now we have given ourselves one day to tell them how much we love them, does that mean we appreciate them more than they appreciated their mothers?

Frankly am getting tired of this one dayer things and world (fill in the blank) days, they are getting to be as many as Miss (again fill in the blanks). Lets just have one day and call it the world is fucked day and then we can chill and continue fucking the world for the other 364 days.

Zimbabwe were beaten (again 5-0) in the test series. The situation there is just as bad as their economy and just goes to show how much egotistical politicians can fuck up an entire nation.

I am really really really trying (really Iam) not to talk about football and the blood pressure raising game on saturday. So I will just say this West ham Islop is not a name and Steven Gerrard (ASHINDWE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!RISWA)

arrived in kenya finally- to the sight of actual traffic

2006-05-10T13:04:00.000+03:00

Well, I finally arrived in Kenya last night ionly to be stuck at the airport for 2 hours, first my cab was late becuase the police decided to stop traffic to let the IPU members pass, what a drag.

Somehow it made me miss my other mother land, I mean I have NEVER been stuck in a jam, really there are 7 cars, 6 motobikes and 1 tractor (seriously) in the whole village, well and many many, many bicycles. The most traffic in the entire village is when there is an expected plane.

So here I am set to enjoy my holiday sans the traffic jams and rain.

And of course I wouldnt be me if I didnt take a few precious minutes to remind Arsenal that they will be taught a few lessons come 17th May. Which is when I shall resurface.

Ruud boy rudes himself out of Man U (listening to football Luhya style Part 2)

2006-05-08T10:06:00.000+03:00

When will footballers ever learn, YOU NEVER CROSS SIR ALEX...................................you cant get away with it. PERIOD

To be honest, am I the only one who feels it was time for Ruud to go, surely. Yeah yeah yeah I know he was the top Scorer in Man u, but damn the guy was hopeless.

Well shockhorror on my radio, arsenal have poisoned Tottenham, (OK ALLEGEDLY POISONED)...... man they scared of barca. Well any sane person/team should be scared of barca, have you seen (or heard) those guys play? If I were a gooner supporter I would take leave immediately and move to my village.

On a very very very very happy note, Chelsea have lost 2 games (IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!!!) WHO WOULD HAVE THOT, just after Jose was angrily telling anyone who was willing to listen that they deserve more respect.

The saaaaaaaaaaaaaad news is that I have come to love an appreciate my world space radio, but since i will be home (YIPEEEEE) I will actually watch (not listen) barca give those gooners a class of footbal 101.

Anyway FYI am visiting kenya today for about 2 weeks, I hope my motherland is still intact and those bloody politicians have not partitioned it.
so tis happy holiday to me.

well they should pay me, shouldnt they?

2006-05-04T17:15:00.000+03:00

So was walking around- yes we do that, what I strongly believe is my village (though no one else seems to care one way or the other) when what do I see but this advertisement for Kenya breweries, in a village in deep in the heart of sudan where a beer (not kenyan) costs 250 kenyan shillings,

First of all, imagine my horror at seeing a CAN OF KENYAN BEER, littering MY VILLAGE!!!!!!!(though it did look beautiful) So Iam bringin it to the attention of KBL and hoping that they will not pass up the opportunity of bragging about their reach (sic)
Speaking of the reach of KBL, was I the only one ama did anyone else hear some kenyan dunder head chick being interviewed on a BBC program about alcohol abuse, the girl was high as a kite telling the presenter to send her the recording couz she will remember Dot about what she said.......................... IF THAT WAS YOU, I HAVE ONE QUESTION, WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Anyway yesterday I did manage to look at the Failed states index and suprise suprise, there we were at the top (apparently in this case- unlike in our fathers times, being no 1 is not good at all). While my other mother land Kenya has to my shock improved from no 25 to 35. How is that possible, who pray tell did they talk to? No body talked to me (well despite the distance) and no one talked to anyone I know, or anyone anyone i know knows (well you get the idea, ZIP no one)